The Knife's Edge
by AriannaCastellis1
Summary: Leana is a herald trainee with an unknown gift. As her wild mood swings continue to increase, can her friends and Companion help her, or will she have to leave Haven?
1. Chapter One: Stirings

**The Knife's Edge**

**Chapter One: Stirrings**

Leana quietly entered her history class and quickly found a seat. She was the first to arrive for today's lesson, but Leana had learned that first impressions were always important. She was nervous about starting classes here at the Collegium, not because she was a bad student, but because her father had always talked fondly of his time here when he was a bard trainee. He had always sounded wistful when he spoke of those days, as if he had wanted to somehow return to them.

A couple of years ago, Leana wouldn't have been nervous, she had always done well in her classes, except mathematics, and had even enjoyed learning. But, once her father had died, she began to have trouble. . . and not just with school. Now that Leana had been shipped to Haven, she wanted to try to start a new life. One that would make her father proud, even if it was only his memory.

The entrance of some of the other students interrupted Leana's thoughts. As everyone settled down, she noticed that there were students from all four groups here at Haven. There was even a bard trainee, which made Leana's heart ache for her father momentarily, until she realized that the teacher had started his lecture. She mentally shook her head and began to take notes.

& & & & &

Leana made her way home at the end of the day, to her cousin Kayle's house. Kayle had been kind enough to take Leana in when her aunt Heln had gotten tired of dealing with Leana's moodiness. As if it were unusual for someone to be moody when they lose someone they love.

"How was school, Leana?" Kayle asked as she let herself in.

"It was okay I guess. The teachers are good and the only class I'm not looking forward to is math."

Kayle smiled. "I heard that was your least favorite subject. Don't worry, I've never been good at it either."

Leana felt herself relax. Her cousin seemed to understand that she didn't want a mother figure. Leana's mother had died when she was born and her father had raised her. Maybe the reason things didn't work out with aunt Heln was because aunt Heln had tried to fill in the non-existent mother void.

Kayle continued, "Things are going to work out, Leana. You're a bright girl with a lot to offer. You'll fit in before you know it."

"I hope so," Leana replied earnestly.

Kayle tried to reassure her younger cousin. "Before you know it you'll have more friends than you know what to do with."

"I'm sure things will be fine," Leana said, sounding much more confident than she felt. "I just need a little time to settle in."

& & & & &

Unfortunately, a little time did little to help Leana fit in. She found that she had almost nothing in common with the other students. The Heraldic trainees were nice enough, but they were always staring off into space or talking to their Companions. Anyone who wasn't a Heraldic trainee was kept on the outside. The few Healer trainees that were there seemed nice enough, but a lot of their classes didn't overlap hers and they often took meals in the Healer's Collegium instead of at the Palace.

Then there were the children of the nobles at court. They were in the blue uniforms and were condescending to anyone not of noble birth. Even if Leana had been noble, she wouldn't want anything to do with them. And the other students in blue were the artificers. They were always talking about new inventions or complicated problems. Leana was dismal at math and couldn't understand anything they said. Being around them made her feel stupid. The few bards that were in her classes she didn't see much. The only one who shared more than one class with her was Robin.

Robin was about her age and fairly new to the Collegium. He had light brown hair and green eyes that reminded Leana of the sea. He had even come up to her a few times to talk, but he reminded her too much of her father. She always tried to find some way of escaping him.

So, Leana usually ate lunch alone and today was no different. She often used the time to study and she was afraid she was going to need every spare moment to get caught up.  
"I don't suppose I could sit with you?" a friendly voice asked.

Leana looked up and was lost in a pair of sea green eyes. The last thing she wanted was to be reminded of her father, but she couldn't help herself. "If you want." Robin sat himself down next to her. "So, why aren't you eating with your friends?"

Robin rolled his eyes. "Greggie and Kurtis are debating an old argument. They're trying to decide if love ballads are written about the ideal love of the composer. And of course, they have to sing pieces of the ballads to back it up"

Leana winced in sympathy. "I see why you wanted to escape."

They were both quiet for a moment, paying attention to their food and then Robin spoke up, "You know, the other students are nice. You don't have to be afraid of making friends."

Leana snorted, "With the other blues? No thank you! They're stuck up snobs."

"Not the artificers. They seem to like anyone with a glimmer of intelligence."

Leana chuckled. "Well I don't have it. I'm terrible at math."

"But not your other subjects. I've heard you in religions. Even Master Heron seems impressed every time you give an opinion or answer. And there are other people here." Robin looked down and plucked his uniform. "I'm not exactly in blue myself."

"No, I guess not. Look, I've tried talking to the Heraldic trainees, but they shut out everyone who doesn't talk to horses. They go blank right in the middle of conversations. They mean well enough, they don't even realize they're doing it, but I'm just not good enough at making friends to get beyond that. And I'm not comfortable around Bards." Leana saw the question in Robin's eyes, so she continued, "Besides, I'd rather not spend my lunch hour being tortured by would be music critics."

Robin laughed. "Okay you win. . .for now." He looked over at her books and saw what she had been studying. "You prefer math to music critiques?"

Leana groaned. "I wasn't kidding when I sad I was bad at math. You're lucky you don't have that class with me. I think Master Byron is about to wash his hands of me."

Robin chuckled at her exasperation. "Come on, it can't be that bad."

"Oh no?" Leana asked, somewhat miffed at his laughter. "I'm as bad at math as you are in religions."

"Ouch!" Robin said, not seeming to mind her jab. "I'll tell you what. If you help me with religions, I'll help you with math. That way you can spend your lunch with something a little more interesting."

Leana smiled with gratitude. "It's a deal." Robin returned her smile and Leana began to feel some relief. Maybe things wouldn't be so bad after all.

& & & & &

"So _that's_ what they meant by the 'divide'!" Robin exclaimed as he looked over the drawings Leana had made. She had been over in Robin's room studying since late afternoon, as she had been for that last couple of days. "I just don't understand how you do it," he continued. "You say almost the exact same thing that Master Heron does and yet I can understand it with you." Robin sighed. "I just wish that I was helping you more with math."

"But you are helping," Leana was quick to reassure him. "Master Byron says he thinks I'm improving. He said just yesterday that I'd gone from hopeless to dismal."

"He did not!"

"Well, he would have if he'd had the chance. But, seriously, Robin. You are helping me."

"But not enough," Robin said. "Face it, Lena, I'm just not a good teacher. You would think that a bard, or bard-in-training, would be better at explaining things, but you're the one that's good at it."

"Nonsense. I have it easy. I can put my lessons into pictures. You can't do that with math."

Robin looked thoughtful for a moment. "Maybe we can. Where's your homework?"

Robin looked over the problems assigned and suddenly smiled. "Let's try this. . ." He started to draw interlocking circles on the page.

& & & & &

They both concentrated on Robin's diagrams until the bell for dinner rang.

Leana looked up from her books. "Is it really that late?"

Robin's stomach growled in response, causing Leana to smile. Robin returned it readily,

"Why don't you stay here for dinner tonight?"

Leana responded to his lopsided smile. "Okay."

"Great!" Robin leapt up and grabbed Leana's arm, dragging her down the hall. "I can introduce you to some of my friends."

Leana pulled back, "What if they don't like me?"

"What's not to like? Don't worry. Everyone will love you. And besides, they've already asked me to get you to join our table for lunch."

Leana wasn't completely mollified, but allowed herself to be led in by Robin. He led her over to a table with several boys and one girl.

"Thank goodness!" the girl exclaimed. She was wearing the blue uniform of the unaffiliates. "I was afraid I was going to be the only girl, and I'd have to deal with all these boys by myself."

Leana groaned, "That would be poor company indeed."

"That's not what she says if Adame's anywhere around." One of the boys told Leana. Most of the table laughed. The girl ignored him and stuck out her hand. "I'm Genafer, but most people call me Gena."

Leana took her hand, instantly liking the cute blond. "Leana."

"Don't let the boys fool you," Gena said, turning back to the one who had spoken up.

"Adame's the only one with any amount of sense. Well, except maybe Robin."

One of the other Bardic trainees spoke up. "My name's Greggie. And Gena's biased where Adame's concerned." He adopted a friendly mocking tone," She's in love."

Leana came to the girl's defense. "Well, I certainly won't blame a girl for having good taste."

Robin chuckled, "You haven't even met my roommate yet. You should withhold judgment until then."

Leana assumed her most innocent, wide eyed look and turned to Robin. "But Robin, you're the one who has been telling me how wonderful your roommate is. Have you been lying to me this whole time?" Feeling much more relaxed, she even fluttered her eyelashes at him, causing everyone to laugh.

One of the boys choked. "Oh no! Robin's already gotten to you." Leana thought this one's name was Kurtis, but she was having trouble keeping so many people straight. "I hate to have to tell you this, but don't believe a word he says, Leana."

"Hey!" protested Robin. "I'm not that bad."

"And just who was it that tried to convince Bard Breeda that he was completely sober when he couldn't even walk up the steps?" Kurtis continued.

Leana gasped, "He didn't!"

"Oh, but he did." Greggie confirmed. Then the table began telling the story in earnest, keeping Leana laughing the entire time.

& & & & &

When Leana got home, she was expecting a lecture for not being home for dinner, but she was surprised. "I'm glad you're settling in so well," Kayle told her. "Did you have a good time?"

Leana thought for a moment and realized she was completely content. "Yes I did. I guess I just had to give Haven a chance."

"Well, don't be too hard on yourself. It's tough to move to a new place, constantly watched, and expected to make friends. It's not easy."

Leana smiled at her cousin. "But, it helps having you here. You never seemed to think anything bad about how I acted when dad died."

Kayle led Leana over to a bench and sat with her for a few minutes. "Honey, it is perfectly natural to be upset when you lose someone you love."

"But everyone began to say I was crazy. That I had no reason to be as depressed as I was."

"They just didn't understand. They didn't know your father very well, not even Heln knew him well. How could anyone on the outside of the kind of relationship you had with your father ever relate to what you were going through?"

"I guess. But, what about the rest of it?"

Kayle laughed. "Not to worry. There's no reason to be called crazy just because you had a few ideas."

"A few?"

"I know. Your aunt wrote to me because she was concerned. She was tired of tripping over half done projects, but you were trying, even then, to deal with your grief. I'm just sorry you had to deal with so many people calling you crazy before Heln finally decided to send you here." Kayle continued when Leana didn't answer. "You've been here for a couple weeks now. You're doing all right in your classes, you're making friends, and I have yet to see any behavior that could come close to being crazy."

"I guess," Leana said. She wasn't really convinced. She had heard the remarks so often, she had started thinking she was crazy by the time she left. And she couldn't shake the dread that had filled her once when she thought they might be right. But what Kayle said was true, she was doing fine now and as long as she had friends she would be okay.

& & & & &

"Hey, Leana! Come over here." Leana turned to see Genafer waving at her from a table occupied with most of the people she had met the night before. She smiled and sat across from Genafer.

"Hey, this is Jewly and this is Sera" Gena indicated the girls on either side of her.

"Nice to meet you." Leana said.

"Hello all," Robin's cheerful voice said from beside Leana. "Got room for one more?"  
Leana moved over and Robin sat next to her. "How was your morning?" Robin asked her.

"The morning was good, but it's this afternoon I dread. I feel like I'm so close to understanding math and yet so far."

Robin smiled. "Don't give up. I think this picture method may work for you. We can go over them again tonight."

"Just don't forget about the Rose tonight," Genafer warned. "You should come, too, Leana, the Rose is a great place and the sausage rolls are to die for."

"I don't know. . ." Leana really liked these people, but the Rose would have a lot of people she didn't even know.

Genafer continued, "We could really use someone else who isn't lost in a world of logic and inventions."

"Hey!" said Sera and Jewly in perfect unison, "We resemble that remark."

Robin leaned close to her, "It would help you relax after all that math," he sad enticingly.  
Leana knew when she had been beaten. "All right. I give. I'll come with you tonight."

& & & & &

Leana had a good time at the Rose. Everyone was nice and they didn't make her feel stupid when she didn't understand what they were saying. She always felt included in some conversation or other. And then Robin had escorted her home, much to the amusement of his friends. Leana began to eat lunch with her new friends every day and even eating dinner several nights a week as well. And whenever a big group of them went to the Rose, Leana was among them. She began to believe that she might really manage to fit in here.

She was beginning to get past the pain of being around bards all the time. Music had always been an important part of her life and her father would not have wanted her to shut it out completely. That didn't mean she was ready to hear people play in their recitals, but the musical instruments no longer made her cringe. Robin had played a big part in her increasing comfort and she was grateful.

And Robin certainly seemed to pay a lot of attention to her. Not that Leana minded, because she was thrilled. Leana was hoping that Robin might feel for her what she had begun to feel for him. Gena, who had quickly become her closest confidant, told Leana that Robin had not shown this kind of attention to any girl in the six months he had been at the Collegium.

Leana was trying to figure out a good way to subtly let Robin know she was interested when she headed for lunch.

"Hey guys," she said, smiling when Robin moved over so she could sit by him, even though there was more than enough room on the other side of the table.

"Hey," Kurtis said. "Maybe you can get Gena to talk about something other than Adame."

Leana noticed Gena looked a little flushed. "He's due back any day now," she told Leana. "I can't help it, I'm excited."

Leana smiled at her friend. "I don't blame you. Frankly, I'm curious. I feel like I already know him because of everything you and Robin have told me about him."

"Speaking of which," Gena transferred her gaze to Robin and narrowed her eyes. "You need to find somewhere to disappear to for a while. I want no repeats of last term."  
Robin laughed. "I can give you what room I can, but remember I live there, too"  
Gena glared at Robin, "You better keep it to a minimum or we'll lock you out and then where will you go?"

Greggie laughed. "I guess he could always go stay with a 'friend', right Leana?" he suggested, nudging her with an elbow.

Robin blushed and Leana pretended to think it over. Then she brightened, "I know! He could go stay in the Companion's stable."

"What?" Robin sounded horrified.

"The Heraldic trainees stay there all the time for foal watch. I'm sure you would be welcome."

"I'm hurt," Robin mock sniffed. "I can't believe you would do that to me."  
Leana laughed and put her hand on his arm. "You know we're only teasing you. We wouldn't make you stay out in the stables. At least not for more than a couple days."  
Robin's face grew pained. "Just for that I won't help you study for your math test tonight." He said indignantly, though he didn't pull away from Leana's touch.  
At the mention of her math test, Leana's hand instinctively gripped Robin's arm more tightly. Robin placed his other hand on top of the one on his arm. "Hey," he said softly. "You know I'll help you no matter what. You're doing great in math, you have nothing to worry about."

"Tell me that when the test is over."

& & & & &

Robin sat on his bed, picking through a few songs on his lute. Leana was sitting at his desk, working through some math practice problems on her own. Robin hoped she was doing as well alone as she had been with him. He had confidence in her and new that she would do fine, but she needed to know that she could do it.

Robin liked having her here, working at his desk. And he had been getting better in his classes. Not just religions, for they worked on all different classes when they were together. And they didn't always study. Often they just talked or joked around. She would tell him of her journeys and the wonderful places she had visited. Robin loved to hear the stories because he knew it was what his life would be like once he was a full Bard. He, in turn, would tell her of his family. He had a large one with several siblings, all of which he loved dearly. Leana rarely talked about her family and Robin had learned not to ask. And then there was the music. Robin had been shocked the first time he had gotten his lute out. He had finished his history paper, but Leana was still working. He didn't want to disturb her so he had decided to practice. He had no more than played three notes than Leana had started sobbing. Robin's playing turned melancholy as he remembered.

"What's the matter, Lena? Are you all right?" Robin was even more worried when Leana flung herself into his arms and continued to sob. In between the sobs he heard her try and explain.

"The music. . .my father used to play. . .it would help me relax when. . .and he used to talk about being here. . .about learning how to play and create. . ."

As Leana trailed off, Robin began to piece together her words. "Your father was a Bard?" he asked gently.

Leana nodded against his shoulder and his arms tightened protectively around her. Now he understood why she wasn't comfortable around Bards and why she had found excuses not to come to his recitals. Robin held her until the crying stopped. Then he listened as she explained how her father had died and she didn't want to hear any music that wasn't from him. And then she told him why she had been sent to Haven. People had been calling her crazy because of the over-reaction to her father's death. At that moment if Robin could have met those people he would have done more than give them a piece of his mind. But, the damage was already done.

"I'm sorry Lena," he told her when she was done. "I won't play when you're here."

"No," Leana said, not pulling away from him. "You shouldn't have to refrain from practicing because of me. And maybe its time for me to listen to music again."

"Are you sure? We could wait for another day." Robin offered, not sure if this was what Leana really wanted.

But Leana's determination had shown through the pain in her eyes. "I'm sure."

Robin smiled. "In that case, what's your favorite song?"  
Leana blushed and smiled tentatively. "Would you believe it's 'My Lady's Eyes'?"

"There's nothing wrong with a classic, my Lady." He had replied and began to play.

"You know, you're really very good." Leana said from the table, pulling Robin out of his memories.

"Coming from you, that is a great compliment indeed," he said, gratified that his playing no longer caused her any pain.

Leana smiled, "I'm just trying to soften you up before you check my paper." She handed him the paper and sat next to him on the bed. Robin was fleetingly grateful that the bed was slightly bowed. Anyone who sat on it found themselves slowly shifting towards the center of the bed.

Robin looked over the paper and smiled. "I think you're going to be fine, Lena. You got all of the problems right."

"I did?" Leana seemed relieved and Robin suddenly had the urge to kiss her. He just wasn't sure how she would take it. She seemed interested, but she was always so skittish. The last thing he wanted to do was to scare her off. But you never gained without a little risk. However, tonight was not the night because the bell rang for dinner.

Leana jumped up from the bed causing Robin to fall unceremoniously off the bed. "Tripes! I promised Kayle I'd be home for dinner tonight." She grabbed her stuff from the desk and ran to the door as Robin put away his lute.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he called as Leana headed out of the door. Robin sighed. There was always tomorrow.

& & & & &

Leana waited anxiously for Master Byron to finish going over her test. He had agreed to check it while she waited because she was so worried about how she had done.

"Well," the master said as he turned over the last page. "I was aware that you were getting some help, but I wasn't expecting this."

Leana's heart dropped. "Is it that bad?"

Mast Byron looked up at Leana and chuckled. "No, my dear. It's that good. You didn't get a single thing wrong."

Leana could hardly believe her ears. She raced for the door, wanting to tell Robin the good news. She shouted her thanks to the startled master as the door closed behind her. She came to Robin's room and flung open the door without bothering to knock.

"Robin! Guess what –" Leana stopped when she entered, finding Gena in an intimate embrace with a tall Bardic trainee. "I'm sorry," Leana stammered. "I didn't mean to. . .I was just. . .Sorry." She turned and fled the room, heedless of Gena calling her name.  
Leana's face felt like it was on fire. She had never felt so embarrassed. It wasn't unusual for her to come in without knocking in the afternoons. Robin expected her every day, even when they didn't have class. Leana headed out to the gardens, hoping her blushes would cool. Then she heard a whistle behind her that sounded suspiciously like "My Lady's Eyes". She turned to see Robin coming towards her.

"Hey, Lena."

"Hey," Leana answered, praying that her face wouldn't show her embarrassment.

"You okay?" When she didn't say anything else, Robin said, "From the look on your face, I'm guessing you must have stopped by my room."

Leana closed her eyes and nodded. "Only, I forgot to knock."

Robin snikered and burst out laughing.

"It's not funny, Robin!" Leana insisted. "Your roommate probably hates me and I'm sure Gena won't speak to me for a week. And –"

Robin took both her shoulders in his hands. "Lena, it's okay. Believe me when I say you're not the only one to walk in on them. You didn't know he was back yet."

"But I should have. It's all Gena's been talking about for a week."

"It'll be fine. Gena thinks too highly of you to be mad and Adame is going to love you. Everyone else does."

"But I walked in on them! And Adame isn't everybody else. He's your closest friend here at the Collegium, you've told me that yourself. It's important that he like me because he's so close to you." Leana hadn't quite meant to say that last part, but she couldn't help herself.

Robin let his hands drop from Leana's shoulders to catch her hands. "My friends are that important to you?"

Leana nodded, but before she could say anything else, she heard footsteps approaching.

"There you are!" It was Gena. "I've been looking all over for you."

Leana winced. "I'm sorry –"

Gena dismissed her with a wave. "You already said that. I was coming to let you know that it's okay. You're not the only one to walk in on us. I think sometimes Robin does it on purpose just to get at us. But, it was kind of nice to be barged in on by someone else for a change."

"Does Adame hate me?"

Gena laughed. "Of course not. But he is curious why you flew into the room so fast."

Leana suddenly remembered the reason she had been so excited. "Oh!" She turned to Robin. "I got the results from my test and I got all of them right."

"That wonderful!" Robin pulled her close to giver her a hug. Leana's heart began to beat a little faster at the close contact. "I told you you could do it." He whispered into her ear, causing Leana to shiver slightly. Leana didn't pull away from Robin and he didn't let go.  
Gena cleared her throat, and Leana reluctantly pulled away. "I'm glad you did so well, Lena, but we should go find Adame so he can meet you."

Leana swallowed nervously and Robin took her hand in his, turning her to face him. "It'll be fine." Leana nodded and allowed Robin to lead her back to his room, holding onto his hand like a lifeline.

Adame was about six inches taller than Robin and much darker. His hair was almost black and his eyes were a dark brown. But, he did seem pleased to meet her.  
"Don't worry about it," he had told her when she tried to apologize. "I had almost expected Robin to send someone in just to give us a hard time."

"I won't do that this time!" Robin hastily assured his roommate. "Gena's threatened to make me sleep in Companion's stable if I don't behave."

Adame put his arm around Gena. "Good for you."

Gena smiled. "I had to do _something_. Although, Companion's Stable was actually Lena's idea," gena said grinning evily at Robin. "But still, I'm tired of him giving us grief just because he's jealous."

Everyone laughed as Robin sputtered, trying to deny the accusation. "Just wait, roomie," Adame warned. "Just wait until I start doing that to you two and see how much you like it."

The laughter stopped and Leana was acutely aware that she was still holding Robin's hand. Robin seemed to notice at the same moment because he dropped it suddenly. Adame picked up on the tension, realization that he had said something wrong evident in his face, as an uncomfortable silence inserted itself into the joyful room.  
Gena tried to come to the rescue. "Well, we should head over to dinner. The bells about to ring."

As everyone began to head for the door, Leana hung back. "Robin, I'm going to go home for dinner." She was quick to continue when she sensed Robin was going to talk her out of it. "I'd like to tell Kayle about my test."

Robin nodded. "As long as I'll see you tomorrow."

"Always," Leana assured him. She gave him one last smile as she headed home.

& & & & &

Leana was enjoying the outside air. She had debated going over to Robin's room, but after yesterday she really didn't want to chance it.

"Leana?" She turned to see Adame walking over to her.

"Hey Adame." She couldn't stop the slight flush of embarrassment. As much as Adame had seemed to like her, Leana wasn't sure if that was only because of her friendship with Gena and Robin.

"Why are you in the gardens? Robin is waiting for you in our room."

"He is? I didn't want to interrupt anything again."

Adame laughed. "We've taken care of that. You have no fear in the afternoons. Robin swears his studying demands you keep your schedule. Gena and I will behave ourselves. If we're there, we won't disturb you." Adame sat himself down next to Leana. "Robin certainly seems to like you." He seemed to be waiting for an answer so Leana said, "He's one of the best friends I've ever had. I'm glad he made the effort to draw me out and introduce me to his friends."

"I suspect he had his own reasons for doing so." This time, Leana's blush had nothing to do with Adame. "Listen," he suddenly said, seeming to change moods. "You may not know this, but his Birthing Day is coming up."

"He didn't tell me that," Leana said shocked.

"I'd be surprised if he had. He hasn't told anyone. The only reason I know about it is because his younger sister wrote me so that Robin couldn't get out of celebrating this year. He apparently doesn't like a fuss, but we aren't going to let him get away that easily."

Leana's eyes gleamed with mischief. "Tell me what you're thinking."

"Well, his Birthing Day is on our next recital night. So we thought that we would get all our friends together and fill up as many seats as possible. That way we can cheer loudly for him. Then we can go back to Sera and Jewly's room. They'll have decorations and food ready for a real party. Robin won't know a thing, so he'll be caught completely off guard. . ."

Adame continued to outline the plans for the party, but Leana didn't register them. His recital. Leana had gotten used to Robin playing when they were in his rooms, had even begun to enjoy it and look forward to it. And Robin always played "My Lady's Eyes" for her when she seemed a little down. Robin had no idea how much that meant to her. But to go to a recital? She would have to hear many people play and sing. Robin hadn't even asked her to go once he knew about her father. He seemed to understand that it would be a very difficult thing to do. Adame's touch in her shoulder brought her back to the present.

"Leana? I'm sorry, did you want to do something special for Robin? We never thought to ask if you wanted to be able to celebrate alone."

Leana shook her head, pasting on a smile "No, I think it's wonderful idea. I was just trying to figure out what to get him."

"You don't think he'll be mad about a surprise party?"

"I'm sure he'll love it." Leana rose from the bench. "But, I'd better get back or Robin is sure to think something's up and I certainly wouldn't want to spoil the surprise."

Adame waved as she turned back towards the Collegium. Leana was glad that Robin's friends were planning such a fun night for his Birthing Day, but she couldn't believe the bad luck that caused it to fall on a recital night. She wasn't sure if she could really handle the recital, but she knew she would go. She would go for Robin.

& & & & &

The day before the recital, Leana was getting nervous. Not just because of the recital, but because she still hadn't found the perfect gift. She had thought about music, but he could get that from anywhere. And the gift needed to be special. Something that would let him know how much he meant to her. Finally admitting defeat, Leana went in search of her cousin.

"What should I get Robin? Nothing seems right, somehow."

"It's often hard to find the right gift for someone you really care about." Kayle looked at Leana thoughtfully for a moment. "The young man's a Bard trainee, maybe there is something in the boxes of your father's stuff that would be perfect."

Leana hadn't looked in the boxes since her father died. It had been too painful to think about. But, it would be a good place to look for a gift. And it had been over a year since her father died. Maybe she should look. Who knows, maybe she would find things to decorate her room with to remind her of him. "That's a good idea." She left to begin going through boxes.

Four boxes later, Leana was thinking there wasn't anything appropriate. She found more music than she knew what to do with, especially since she had no aptitude for music whatsoever, but she had already decided against that. There were her father's instruments, but there was no way she was giving any of those away. She sighed as she moved yet another stack of music out of the box and then smiled.

"Perfect!" she said to herself. And knew that tomorrow would be a good day indeed.

& & & & &

Robin waited for his turn at the recital, feeling his usual nervousness. He was thankful that Adame was back, because he always centered him with his crazy antics. And tonight was no exception.

After proclaiming in dramatic tones that he would die if he didn't get enough applause, he sobered and tapped Robin on the shoulder. "Hey. Look over there, Robin. All your friends are here." Adame pointed to the rather large crowd that had gathered for the concert, but Robin's eyes only noticed one person. Lena was here!

"Of course she's here," Adame said, making Robin realize he had spoken out loud. "Why wouldn't she be?"

"You haven't been here," he reminded his roommate. "This is the first recital that Lena's come to."

"That's strange. I'd just assumed she would have been coming to your recitals. When I mentioned it the other day, she didn't seem wierd about it. Maybe you just needed to ask her to come. Maybe she thought you'd be too nervous or something."

"Maybe," Robin hedged. He didn't feel right telling Adame the truth. He wondered why Leana had come and then worried that maybe Adame had badgered her into it because she didn't know how to tell him why she wouldn't come. But, as he watched her, he realized she was smiling and seemed completely happy to be there. Maybe Adame was right, all she needed was a little encouragement.

When it was time for him to play, he looked towards Leana and she gave him a thumbs up. He smiled and prepared to sing.

& & & & &

When the recital was over, he made his way over to all his friends, aching to get close to only one person. He was pleased when she flung her arms around him.

"You were wonderful, Robin!" She said and kissed his cheek. Robin felt his face grow warm and pulled Leana against him. "I'm glad you came," he whispered just for her, hoping she could tell from his tone of voice and his body just how pleased he was that she had come for him.

Leana pulled back slightly and Robin saw understanding in her eyes. "Me too. I enjoyed myself."

Robin brushed her cheek with his hand. "That's good." He may have said more, but his other friends intruded on the moment.

"Hey guys," Sera said. "Let's go back to my room. We have a recital to celebrate."  
Robin grinned and grabbed Leana's hand as everyone made their way across the grounds. Nothing could get better than this.

But, things could get better. When he entered Sera's room he saw that his friends had discovered what day it was. Robin tried to act annoyed that they were making a fuss, but knew his friends could see right through him. He was having the time of his life. And life was good when he had such wonderful friends.

The party was in full swing and Robin was opening his presents. He had already received strings from Adame, a new belt pouch from Sera, and lined staff paper from Gena. Leana came over and sat next to him with her present. Robin noticed that, although everyone was still watching, they had moved back a little to give the two of them privacy. Robin opened the small package and read the note.

_For the one who brought music back into my life and light back into my soul._

He lifted the note to reveal a beautiful window ornament. They had been created in K'Valdemar Vale and Robin had only seen a couple in his lifetime. It was beautiful, mostly blue glass and clear crystal, but in the middle was a painted lute.

"Lena," he breathed. "It's beautiful. Where did you get it?"

Leana half shrugged. "It was my father's. And don't say you can't accept it. His primary instrument was the lute, just like you. It seemed appropriate that you have this. It should be appreciated by someone who plays the lute, which I will _never_ be able to do. Besides, I think he'd like you to have it."

When Robin answered, he was surprised to find his voice thick with emotion. "Thank you, Leana. You don't know how much this means to me."

Leana smiled her special smile that Robin had begun to fall in love with and replied. "Oh, I think I know."

At that moment, Robin wanted nothing more than to kiss Leana and to hell with all the people in the room. But, Leana's trembling voice stopped him.

"Robin," she said so only he could hear. "I need to go." She looked nervously at all the people in the room. "There are lots of people here I don't know and that always makes me feel uncomfortable. And I've already been through a lot tonight."

Robin reached up and brushed her auburn hair behind her ear. "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow. Thank you for everything."

"No. Thank you." It looked like she may something else, but then she quickly rose and left the party. Adame replaced Leana on the bench. "Don't worry, my friend, she likes you."

"You really think so?"

Adame picked up the ornament. "Oh yeah. She's got it bad. You'd better do something about it before you lose her. Take it from me, women don't like to wait."  
Robin smiled at the memories of Gena trying to seduce Adame. "I guess you would know that first hand."

Adame flushed and looked over at Gena, who was deep in a conversation with Jewly.

"Being surprised in the men's bathing room in the middle of the night was certainly an experience. And one I wouldn't mind repeating. But I don't think Leana's the type. You're going to have to make the first move."

"I guess."

Adame clapped Robin on the shoulder. "Make it soon, Robbie, make it soon."

"You're probably right. And I have a few ideas."

& & & & &

Leana kept her head down as she made her way to Robin's room. She ignored the several attempts of people trying to get her attention. She didn't even know these people. Why were they bothering her? Leana just wanted to get away. She'd been going nuts for the last two weeks. Ever since Robin's party. She'd had high hopes of what would happen between them, but they had begun arguing the very next day.

She had been feeling pressured by all the people that suddenly wanted to be her new best friend. She couldn't make it to class without at least three complete strangers stopping her in the hall. And these people were interrupting her lunch. But Robin didn't seem to think anything was wrong. He told her she was overreacting and that she should be happy that so many people liked her. He just didn't understand. Leana thought it was down right creepy. She just wanted to get away.

She heaved a mental sigh of relief as she made it inside Robin's room.

"Tough day?" he asked from his bed.

Leana just nodded, feeling the slight panic ebb as she allowed herself to breathe normally. Robin came over and took her books. "Why don't we start on that religions paper?" he suggested. Leana made her way over to Robin's desk and got out her notes.

Ten minutes later, Robin put down his quill. "Something wrong?"

"What do you mean?" Leana pulled her gaze from the window.

"You've been tapping your foot since you sat down and haven't even written one sentence."

Leana looked at her paper and saw that it only contained a few doodles. "I'm fine," she assured him. She didn't want to tell him what was going on because that would just start another argument. She tried to focus on her work, but just couldn't concentrate. She got up and looked out the window.

"We should go ridding." She said suddenly. "It's too nice a day to be inside."

Robin smiled. "That would be nice, but we have to fin—"

"Or we could go swimming." Leana suggested, cutting Robin off. "And we could take a picnic dinner. We can ride off into the sunset, go swimming." She went in front of Robin and put her hands on his shoulders, then fluttered her eyes. "Some solitude would be nice." Leana saw Robin begin to give in. She was hoping that maybe some time alone would help their problems from the last two weeks. She certainly couldn't stand being inside much longer.

But Robin came back to his senses. "Lena, we can't. We have a lot of work to catch up on."

"I can't. At least not right now. Maybe later. Right now I just want to concentrate on you." Now what had possessed her to say that? She was starting to sound a little like Gena.

Robin blinked, obviously surprised that Leana was being so forward.

"I can't concentrate on my homework." She continued. "Don't ask me to."

"Lena," Robin stopped her tirade with a hand on her mouth. "What's the matter? You haven't been able to concentrate on school for more than a few minutes at a time all week."

"Nothing's wrong. I feel good, I just want to get out and live a little. Can't I be a little restless every now and then?"

"You've been restless all week Lena, it's not—"

"It's all these people around me. They make me nervous." Leana interrupted.

"Not this again," Robin sighed. "Look, Lena. People like you, it's a good thing, get over it."

"You don't understand anything!" Lean said, suddenly angry at his dimwitted behavior.

"You never have. It's _not_ normal and it's driving me nuts! These are people I don't know… people I don't even have classes with. It's just plain creepy." She grabbed her books, somehow knowing that if she stayed, things would only get worse. "I can't stay here. Either you can come with me or you can stay in here and bore yourself to death."

Robin shook his head. "I'm staying here. I have a paper to finish."

"Fine!" Leana shouted and slammed the door on her way out. She headed for the stables, fully intent on a ride, but changed course halfway there. Maybe she should go home and go through her father's boxes again. She'd been meaning to do that for a while.

& & & & &

She sorted through her father's music for a little while and then realized that she had never gone through the boxes of her own stuff that her Aunt Heln had sent to Haven a few weeks ago. So she got those boxes out. She ate a quick dinner with her cousin and then went right back to her room, ignoring the concerned looks coming from Kayle. Leana just needed to cool off a bit before seeing her friends again.

After emptying two of her boxes on the floor and looking through everything, she went back to her father's stuff. She hadn't realized how late it was until the sky outside began to lighten. Surprisingly, Leana didn't feel tired. In fact, she was starting to feel really pepped. She looked at the convoluted mess in her room. Obviously sorting through everything would take longer than she had thought.

Leana grabbed her books and smiled as she made her way to the Collegium. A new day held all kinds of possibilities. She managed to get there early enough to avoid people in the halls, so she wasn't even feeling particularly jumpy today. So when she made it to lunch, she was in a really good mood. Robin refused to speak to her and Leana felt that if he were going to sulk she would let him. He could apologize later. She certainly wasn't going to do it first.

& & & & &

The day flew by for Leana and she had barely registered anything that had happened in her classes. That afternoon, she made her way home, not ready to face a sulky Robin. She was ready to get back to the mass sorting she had begun the day before. And she had promised Gena she'd be at the Rose tonight. Maybe Robin would manage to get over his sulk by then.

The Rose was packed when Leana arrived. Everyone seemed to seek Leana out, even if just for a few minutes. Robin still wasn't talking to her and Leana began to wish she hadn't come. She couldn't seem to focus on any conversation, every little thing in the room drew her attention. Someone spilled their ale as they made their way across the room. Someone else burned their mouth on a sausage roll. Little things that always happened at the Rose, but Leana had never noticed before. Finally, Leana just couldn't take the atmosphere anymore. "I'm sorry," she said in the middle of the conversation. "I've got to go."

Leana rose and Robin immediately got to his feet. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she replied and began to make her way to the door.  
Robin grabbed her arm and turned her around. "You're not fine. Something is bothering you."

Leana looked at Robin's hand on her arm. "Let go of me, Robin." He didn't immediately respond so Leana raised her voice. "I said let go of me!" The area around them went silent as Leana's yell reached the nearby tables. She hadn't meant to yell quite so loud, but Robin had no choice but to let her go. She gave him a good glare and then turned and left the Rose.

Robin stared after Leana, unable to move. He felt someone touch his shoulder. "I've lost her," he said softly.

Gena's hand gave a comforting squeeze. "You haven't lost her, Robin. She's just mad right now. Things will calm down and you two will work out your problems."  
Robin wasn't convinced. Leana hadn't acted herself for a while. Maybe her going to the recital had been a bad idea. Maybe it had made her remember the pain she felt when her father died. She had told him the villagers had called her crazy. Robin was now beginning to see why.


	2. Chapter Two: The Two Sides of the Coin

**Chapter Two: The Two Sides of the Coin**

Leana had spent most of the night tense from the scene at the Rose. She had no idea why things were so bad between her and Robin. Even when she was mad at him, she still found him attractive, which only seemed to make things worse. He was very easy on the eyes, with his brown hair and sea green eyes. Leana sighed. Not even all the advice from Gena had managed to move things past friendship between them. Maybe that was the problem.

Gena had said 'all men are idiots'. Gena had needed to seduce Adame to get things where she wanted them. At the time, Leana thought she could _never_ do something like that, but maybe that's what was necessary. Maybe that's why she felt so jittery and anxious all the time. She was just unsure of her relationship with Robin.

The more she thought about it, the more she decided that the whole reason things were so tense between Robin and her was the frustration of still being 'just friends'. Leana smiled. All she really needed to do was seduce Robin and things would go back to normal.

**& & & & &**

There were no classes today and Gena had decided to take advantage of that and go on an outing with Adame. So Leana knew she could catch Robin alone. She pressed her ear to the door, straining to hear if he was inside, she didn't hear anything, but she decided to go ahead and go in anyway and eased the door open.

Robin looked up from the desk as she shut the door behind her and leaned against it.

"Hey stranger," she said, noting the look of surprise that crossed Robin's face.

"Lena?" he asked. His desk was covered in open texts and he was writing something. Not a fun activity on a nice day like today.

"What are you doing?"

Robin sighed. "That stupid paper. I couldn't concentrate when you left the other day, so I still haven't gotten it done."

Leana smiled to herself. Apparently Robin was having the same problem she was. Maybe things would work out after all. She went behind Robin and began to massage his shoulders. "You're tense."

Robin nodded, "I don't like fighting with you."

"I don't like it either," She said. She leaned forward to whisper directly in his ear, letting her hands trail down the front of his shirt. "Adame and Gena are gone for the morning, if I remember correctly, why don't we spend some time making up?" Even as she said the words, a small part of Leana was silently saying that this whole scene was wrong. She wasn't like this normally, why would she start now? It was almost like she was watching herself from outside the room.

Robin took both her hands in his and brought her around in front of him. "Leana, what are you doing?"

"I thought that would be obvious," she replied.

Robin studied her for a moment. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," Leana answered shortly. "Look, it was either this or try to sneak into your bed in the middle of the night." Leana continued, even as she saw Robin open his mouth to respond. "Somehow I don't think Adame would appreciate me coming in here during the night, although I guess I could have made plans with Adame and Gena. Especially since Gena's the one who has been giving me advice, which she is really good at giving, even though she _is_ a blond. But then I don't think I have ever thought of her as being blond, except for the fact that I really envy her hair. And she'd look pretty silly as a brunette --" Leana stopped as Robin grabbed both her waving hands in his. Leana briefly wondered when she had pulled away from him and started gesturing.

"Lena! Slow down." Robin paused and Leana tried to bring her racing thoughts to a stand still so she could listen to what Robin was saying. "What are you talking about?"  
Leana tried to follow her train of thought backwards and finally remembered what she was here to do. "Well, I was trying to seduce you."

Robin choked slightly at her blatant statement. Leana took his momentary confusion to step close to him. "Why? Don't you want me to?"

"Lena, I—" whatever Robin had been about to say was cut off by the bell for lunch.  
Leana swore, seeing in Robin's face that he wasn't about to let her convince him to stay with her.

"Lena, I think we need to talk about this. But right now isn't the time."

Leana sighed back her frustration. "I guess. I'll see you at the Rose tonight." She quickly exited, intent on finding a way to calm her racing thoughts.

**& & & & &**

Leana walked home, feeling let down about Robin, but still euphoric. Things weren't so bad, really. She had at least started the course of fixing things between the two of them. And Robin had admitted the need to talk about the situation. It could only get better from here.

She got home and started to look through the mess on the floor. She couldn't remember why she'd wanted to go through all that mess anyway. She took a last disdainful look at the chaos, then dumped it all back into boxes and shoved the boxes into her closet. Her time would be better spent planning a better scenario to seduce Robin. After all, once her relationship with Robin was on track, things would go back to normal.

"Much better," she commented to herself. "Now I have room to think." Satisfied, she pulled out a piece of paper and began to plan.

**& & & & &**

The Rose was busy as usual. A night couldn't go by that it wasn't filled with students and laughter. Really, it was a great place to hang out; the drinks weren't too watered down, the sausage rolls were to die for, and the masters were usually in the back room in case there was ever a problem. Kayle liked the place and even encouraged Leana to spend time there with her friends, as long as she didn't stay out too late or her grades didn't suffer. Leana found her way through the crowd to her friends.

"Hey, Lena!" Gena called as she found a place to sit. Gena leaned close and said, "I heard you put Robin in a state this afternoon."

Leana tossed her hair over her shoulder. "It wasn't my fault that he wasn't ready when I came over."

Gena shook her head. "It just doesn't seem like you." Her face grew serious. "Be careful, Leana. The seduction routine doesn't work with all guys. Robin just might be one of them. After all, needing to hit a guy over the head is one thing, but you don't want to push too hard."

"Then, that's his loss," Leana said. "I just got tired of waiting, Gena. You were the one who told me all guys are idiots. If he knows what's good for him, he'll be smart and pay attention to me instead of always focusing on homework on a night like _this_. The Rose is more welcoming than usual. And I've noticed some of the blues missing the last few times I've been here. I wonder if they've been asked to join the masters.  
"Robin says that's how they know they've graduated, by being invited back, but I don't know about the rest of us. I mean, we can't take classes forever, but I don't really see myself becoming a professor, or –"

"Leana?" Adame's voice broke through her conversation. She briefly wondered when he had come to sit beside Gena.

"Hey Adame," she said, grateful to have more company. "I'm glad you're here. Have you seen Robin? He was supposed to be here tonight and it's not like him to break a promise. Not that he _promised_, exactly, but I thought he was going to come."

"I'm here, Lena," Robin said as he sat down. He smiled and lifted his mug. "I just wanted to get some ale."

Lena gave Robin a dazzling smile and let herself enjoy the evening.  
It was only after her fifth mug of ale that Leana began to realize how much she had been drinking. She felt really good, though, and she didn't feel pressured by all the people as she had previously. She was helping herself to another mug of ale when Robin stopped her. "Don't you think you've had enough?"

"I'm fine. I'm just letting myself get relaxed."

Gena and Robin exchanged a look. Then Gena took Leana's arm. "It's getting late. Why don't you let me take you home."

"No. I want to stay here. I'm not tired." Leana refused to listen to anyone's protests. After all, _she_ didn't feel tired. If they all wanted to leave, that was fine with her. She stayed much later than she ever had before, with no care to what Kayle would think or that she might worry. She stayed until the Rose itself closed down.

**& & & & &**

Robin was practicing quietly when Adame and Gena came in. "I can leave," he offered as they sat down.

"No," Gena told him. "You're fine. We were just going to get some studying done."  
Robin went back to his practice while his friends bent over the desk. A little later Gena stretched and rose from the desk. "I hate schoolwork. I'd rather concentrate on something more important. . . like dinner."

Adame laughed, "Don't worry, dinner can't be far off." He looked over at Robin. "Is Leana going to join us?"

Robin just shrugged, not quite knowing how to answer that question. He and Leana were having a strange couple of weeks. She either seemed determined to seduce him, the memory of which always made his cheeks burn, or wanted nothing to do with him. It depended on which mood she was in whether or not she would show up for dinner.

"Hey, where is Lena?" Gena asked. "I haven't seen her today."

Robin released the breath he'd been holding, "I'm not surprised. She skipped classes today. At least, the ones she shares with me."

"Again?" Gena sounded concerned. "That's the third time in two weeks. Something must be going on."

"Maybe we should talk to her," Adame suggested.

Robin shook his head, "I've tried. It's the strangest thing. She swears nothing is wrong when I ask her, even gets insulted that I _keep_ asking her. But she doesn't at all seem like herself. It's not like she's acting out, she's just running full tilt. I can't even begin to keep up with her. And she doesn't seem to be focused on anything that's in front of her."

"Or she's focused on everything that's around," added Gena. " Maybe she's trying to avoid something. "I've noticed that when I talk to her, she just keeps going. Almost as if she really doesn't want to talk about something that's bothering her. Maybe of we try and pinpoint where the conversation is going when she does that, we can find out what's bothering her without having to ask directly."

"And if things get really bad, you can always go talk to Kayle," Adame suggested. Robin nodded absently, but knew that would have to be a last resort. He knew how Leana felt about people talking behind her back. She would never forgive him if she found that he was asking Kayle about Leana's strange behavior.

**& & & & &**

Worried about Leana, Robin tried his best to figure out what issue she was avoiding in their odd conversations. But there wasn't any connection. Nothing seemed to make sense and he was getting frustrated. He tried talking to Leana about her father, but although she was sad, she didn't seem devastated by his death. The whole situation was beginning to depress him.

"Cheer up, Robin," Sera said at lunch that day. "You're starting to make all of us depressed."

Robin groaned. "I'll try, but don't expect me to be the life of the party." Sera smiled in sympathy and Robin did his best to put his worries out of his mind. He just concentrated on relaxing with his friends. He was actually beginning to have a good time when Gena came in. She immediately went to Robin and leaned down to speak quietly into his ear.

"I need you to come with me." Her voice conveyed a sense of urgency and Robin didn't hesitate to follow her from the common room.

"What's going on?" he asked as soon as they reached relative privacy.

"It's Lena," she explained as she led Robin outside. "She said she wasn't hungry and I thought it would be a good time to try and get her to talk. We were walking by the river when she suddenly decided to climb a tree."

"What?"

"And she's not just in a tree, she _high_ in a tree. I don't think the branches are going to hold for long and she won't come down."

Robin's heart dropped as Gena showed him the tree. He could barely make Leana out through the leaves. "Lena?"

Leana moved so her face was more visible. "Hello, Robin. Did you want to join me? There's plenty of room. And the view is great!"

"I'd rather you come down and join me."

"But it's nice up here," she stated and began to walk away from the trunk. "Everything is beautiful from above. I think the only view that would be better would be from the roof of the palace itself."

Robin hoped Leana wouldn't get the urge to try _that_. "Please, Lena," he begged. "I don't like you that high. Please come down for me."

Leana didn't even seem to hear him. "The breeze feels wonderful and if it would blow just a little harder, I bet I could fly to the ground." As she spoke, she flung her arms wide and Robin watched in horror as he saw Leana lose her footing.

It was as if he watched in slow motion as she slipped. He watched in agonizing slowness as she fell, but couldn't seem to move. He heard Gena's scream as Leana hit a few branches on her way to the ground and landed with a sickening thud, not moving.  
Robin and Gena both rushed to the still form. Robin could see Leana breathing, but it seemed shallow. He turned to Gena's tear stained face. "Go get the Healers!" Gena immediately obeyed, running off just as the first of the spectators arrived.

Robin knew better than to move Leana, but he couldn't help but take her hand in his. "Hold on, Leana." He told her, heedless of his own tears. "Please, just hold on."  
The Healers moved him a few minutes later. They looked her over and pronounced her safe enough to move. Gena and Adame placed hands on Robin's shoulders, but he felt little comfort from them. He watched Leana being carried by the Healers and then said, "Would you guys go with her?"

"Don't you want to go with her?" Gena asked him.

"More than anything, but someone has to tell Kayle what's happened. I think it would be

best if I go."

Adame squeezed his shoulder and Gena gave him a hug before the two of them disappeared after the Healers. Robin turned the other way and began to make his way into the city, knowing he should be the one to tell Kayle about the accident.

_But what_, he thought, _am I supposed to say?_

**& & & & &**

Leana woke to the sound of a lute. For a brief moment, she thought it was her father playing, but then the disorientation faded and she realized she was listening to Robin. She didn't recognize where she was, but when Robin saw her begin to move he stopped playing.

"Where am I?" she asked.

"You're at the Healer's," he answered, sitting on the edge of her bed. "You gave us quite a scare, but you only suffered bruised ribs."

Leana stifled a groan as she tried to sit up. "I think everything's bruised. What happened?"

"You fell from a tree."

Leana vaguely remembered wanting to climb a tree, but everything after that was fuzzy. "How long have I been here?"

"Since this afternoon. It's only dinner now, which is why I'm the only one here." Robin smiled down at her. "I had to threaten Kayle in order to get her to leave long enough to get some food. And Adame and Gena were here until Gena's stomach started to complain."

Leana reached for his hand. "It's good that you're here."

The door opened and a Healer came in. She looked to be only a few years older than Leana.

"Good, you're up," She said as she came over to the bed and began to check Leana's responses. "How are you feeling?"

"Kind of woozy."

The Healer nodded. "That's understandable. It's a side effect of the medication. It'll go away in a few hours."

"How long do I have to stay here?"

"Your cousin may take you home in the morning, but I don't want you returning to school for the rest of the week. You need to rest and give your ribs a chance to heal."  
"Don't worry," Robin told Leana. "I'll bring by your work for you and we can catch you up before you have to head back to class."

Leana tried to smile but found it hard with the prospect of catching up.

**& & & & &**

Leana looked up from her books as her cousin came in bearing a tray.

"Here you go, honey, I though you could use some lunch."

Leana gratefully took the tray and pushed her books to the side. "Thanks, Kayle, I could really use the break. I didn't realize just how far behind I was."

Kayle looked over all of Leana's notes that were spread out. "Are you going to be able to catch up?"

Leana sighed. "Robin said he'd help me."

Kayle headed for the door, about to leave, but she turned back. "Don't lose him, Leana. He seems like a good boy."

Leana nodded, wondering, as Kayle left, how she was supposed to keep a guy who didn't seem interested. And how in the Havens she was supposed to catch up on all the schoolwork that had been slipping for several weeks.

But true to his word, Robin showed up after his classes, Bringing work from her masters as well as notes from friends for those classes she and Robin did not share. She tried to pay attention while Robin filled her in on what she had missed, but she was tired and found it hard to stay awake.

It took her a moment to realize Robin had stopped talking. "I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

"You want to talk about it?"

Leana knew he wasn't talking about her homework. "There's nothing to talk about."

"Yes there is, Leana. Please don't continue to shut out your friends. We all care about you and you've been scaring us for weeks." Robin paused. "You've been scaring _me_ for weeks."

"I don't know Robin, okay? I didn't mean to scare anyone. I'm fine. I didn't suffer from the fall and I won't go climbing any more trees. Isn't that enough?"  
"Lena—"

"Look, I'm really tired. I appreciate you coming over and bringing me all this work, but I think I just want to go to bed right now."

"Okay, Lena, okay. I'm sorry for pushing you right now." Robin helped Lena over to her bed and pulled her blanket up to cover her. "I'll be by to see you tomorrow." He quietly let himself out of her room.  
& & & & &  
Leana tried to go to sleep after Robin left, but her mind wouldn't allow it. She knew she had a lot of work to do. She started thinking over the last few weeks and cringed when she thought of how many classes she had skipped.

_Why did I skip class? I've never done anything like that before. How am I supposed to face my masters when I go back? They will have heard about the accident. They'll all think I'm crazy. That's what happened with Aunt Heln. Only last time I wasn't stupid enough to actually fall from a tree.  
_

_And what was I thinking climbing a tree? I don't know the first thing about it. I didn't even climb trees when I was a kid. And I know Gena was scared. That's why she went to go find Robin. They tried to get me down and I wouldn't listen. They must hate me._  
_I've been short with everyone for weeks. I snap at every little thing. I'm always acting like they're bothering me, but they only do it because they care._ Leana thought over her actions towards her friends and began to cry. _They probably won't want to be friends anymore. Robin's probably only coming over because he feels guilty for not getting me out of the tree. No one else has stopped by._

Leana started to cry harder. When had things started to go so wrong?

**& & & & &**

Leana found catching up very hard to do. Some days she despaired at ever getting back on track. She couldn't remember dates in history, not even pictures were helping her in math, and master Heron seemed to be concerned over how poorly she was managing his religions class, which had always been one of her best. And worst of all was Robin.

Leana had hoped that they would be more than friends and, at one time, she was sure that Robin had felt the same, but now all he seemed to want was friendship.

_Not that I blame him. I can't believe some of the things I did_. She recalled the day she had tried what Gena had. _Only Robin doesn't bathe late at night the way Adame does._ She hadn't felt embarrassed at the time when someone had walked in on the would-be seduction scene, but now that she really thought about it she was mortified! And Robin hadn't seemed very interested before they were interrupted.

_Maybe Gena was right. Maybe he doesn't like aggressive girls. Or maybe he just doesn't like me. Who would like me anyway? I'm always fighting with Robin over something and whining about my father._ He_ was the only one who really understood me and right now I just want him back._

Leana began to sob. She barely registered someone entering her room until she felt arms go around her.

"Lena? Are you okay?" It was Gena.

Leana forced herself to stop the tears and wiped her eyes. "I'm okay. Just trying to figure out how to make up all this work."

Gena hugged her again, "It's al going to be fine, you'll see."

Leana pulled away. "How can you say that? Everything's a mess. With school, with Robin. . .nothing's going to be okay, no matter how hard I try. I just can't do anything right!"

"Look, Leana, I'm getting a little bit tired of your attitude. First you started skipping school, treating all your friends like they were trying to badger you into your work. You never let us _talk_ to you so we could find a way to help. You have been treating Robin horribly, and you're lucky he's been so supportive of you. You made a mistake and you know it. That's no reason to wallow in self-pity. You need to get yourself together. You know, you're not the first person to screw up. You need to learn from it and get over it."

Leana felt numb as Gena's words penetrated. She couldn't believe her best friend was treating her this way and suddenly it all seemed unfair. "Well, Gena, if you don't want to be around me, then fine! Maybe you should just go and dunk yourself or something."  
There was a moment of silence and then Gena rose and left without saying a word. Leana felt betrayed, but there was a part of her that thought she might feel this way because Gena was right.

**& & & & &**

A few hours later, Leana was shocked to learn Adame had come to see her. She went to the parlor and her blood chilled as she realized that Adame was furious. He didn't even give her the chance to say hello.

"Leana, I don't know what happened between you and Gena this afternoon, but it has to stop." He got up from his chair and began to pace. "Gena likes you, Leana, though after today I have to wonder why. Did you know she jumped in the river today?"

Adam continued before Leana could get past her surprise to answer. "It's a good thing she can swim. When I asked her why she had done something like that she said you told her to. . . and for some strange reason she thought you were right."

"I didn't mean. . .I wasn't serious. . ." Leana was at a loss for words. She had never seen the light-hearted Adame so furious.

"Well, _she_ obviously thought you were. You need to think about this, Leana. You either need to make up with Gena _and_ with Robin, who hasn't been himself for weeks, or leave all of us alone. I think Gena and Robin need you, but they _don't_ need you the way you've been acting."

"How?" Leana asked in the barest of whispers. "How can I make it right?"

Adame stopped pacing to stare at Leana. Leana knew he was trying to determine if he should help her or try and get her to stay away from his friends. Finally he answered, "You could try apologizing, Leana. That would be a good start."

Leana watched as Adame left, not quite sure what to do. Different feelings began to race through her. At first she was shocked, then she felt angry. But these feelings quickly gave way to guilt. She knew she hadn't been treating her friends right, especially Robin.  
Finally feeling resolve, she decided that apologizing to Gena was the first step. Then she could worry about Robin. Gena may even have some suggestions for her.

Leana made her way across the palace grounds, but slowed as doubts started creeping into her mind. What if Gena and Robin didn't accept her apology? Adame had seemed to think Gena might be better off without her.

_I'm failing my classes, Gena hates me, Robin doesn't want me, I should just go away._  
The more she thought about it, the better it seemed. Haven just wasn't working out. Leana turned towards the river, trying to figure out where she could go. But she began to cry once more when she realized she _had_ no place to go.

_Aunt Heln won't take me back. I don't want to stay in Haven. All the places I visited with dad would have taken us in, but they won't want the un-talented daughter of a bard free-loading with them. Maybe I should just disappear_.

Yes. Disappear so she wouldn't hurt anyone again. Leana sobbed as she realized that she only had one option left. It probably should have ended when her father died, but she had been too much of a coward then. But not now. . .now she had no reason to try. She _had_ tried --- and failed. And now there was nothing left.

_:Not nothing:_ a voice intruded into her thoughts. _:There is always something.:_  
Leana felt a presence behind her, but refused to turn. "Not for me, there isn't. Everything is messed up. There's no way to make things better. And all my friends hate me. No one will ever love me again!"

_:I will.:_ The gentle voice continued and Leana felt something touch her shoulder. _:I will love you and I will always be with you.:_ Leana turned and found herself looking into the bluest eyes she had ever seen. _:I choose you, Leana. We will always be together and I will always love you.:_

Leana felt love and warmth flood her and she flung her arms around the Companion's neck. "I just want to die!"

_:No, chosen. Things will get better. I will be with you and I will help you. There is no _

_need to despair, not ever again.:_

And as Leana continued to cry against her Companion's shoulder, her words of encouragement began to ignite hope within the depths of Leana's heart.


	3. Chapter Three: A New Begining

**Chapter Three: A New Beginning**

Leana stayed with her Companion long after she had stopped crying. She sat curled against Yonell's side, just absorbing the love that was offered.

"Hello?" someone called from behind them. Leana turned and saw Herald Talia coming towards her.

"Hello," Leana answered not sure what to expect from the Queen's Own.

Talia sat next to Leana, close enough to offer some comfort, but not close enough to intrude on the newly bonded pair. "I see you've been chosen."

Leana smiled, the first real smile she'd had in weeks. "Yeah. What am I supposed to now?"

Talia shared Leana's smile. "Right now, you're supposed to spend time with your Companion. It's important for the bond to grow. What's your name?"

"Leana."

"Do you live in the palace?"

"No, with my cousin Kayle in town."

Talia nodded. "I'll send someone down to your house to get your things and have you settled in new quarters by dinner time."

Leana was grateful she wouldn't have to do anything right now. She wasn't even sure how to take what was happening. It was a bit overwhelming. "Thanks."

"You don't sound very happy. Is there some reason you would rather not live at the palace?"

"It's not really that," Leana shrugged. "It's just . . .well I guess I never really saw myself as a Herald."

Talia laughed and placed a comforting hand on Leana's shoulder, "None of us ever do."  
Leana felt oddly comforted by Talia's presence. But she had been in Haven long enough to know what Talia's gifts were, so she wasn't really surprised.

"Don't worry, trainee Leana," Talia told her as she got up to leave. "Being chosen is often a way to begin again. You can use this as a fresh start."

_: She's right. You can use this time as a new beginning.:_

The idea certainly had merit. She could now become Leana, Heraldic trainee, instead of Leana, unaffiliated failure.

_:You should go and find your friends. Tell them the good news.:_

Leana was startled, "But, Talia said I'm supposed to stay with you."

_:I'll be here when you return. News travels fast in Haven and I know your friends will want to here this news from you. Besides, you will need to go up in order to eat soon.:_

"Thank you," Leana said as she hugged Yonell one more time. Then she made her way back to the Collegium.

**& & & & &**

Leana took a deep breath as she stood outside Gena's door.

_:Remember, Leana. Everyone makes mistakes.:_ Leana jumped slightly, not used to having intruding thoughts in her head. Somehow it hadn't seemed strange when she was right next to the Companion, but now that she was far away, the voice seemed somehow…odd. _:Our friends are our friends because they are the ones who love us even when we do something foolish. They will forgive you.:_

Armed with Yonell's love and faith, Leana knocked on the door.

"Come in," Gena's voice floated out. Leana let herself in and found Gena reading. Leana tried to say something, but the words stuck in her throat. She didn't know how to start.

"Lena?" Gena asked after a moment of silence.

"Gena . . . I just . . . I didn't mean . . ."

Gena rose and touched Leana's arm. "It's okay. What's the matter?"

"Oh, Genafer. I'm sorry," Leana said, pulling her friend into a hug. "I'm so sorry for everything."

Gena returned Leana's hug. "I'm sorry too, Leana." Gena's voice was thick with emotion. "I shouldn't have yelled at you. I knew something was bothering you and I just wanted to help."

"You have been helping, Gena. Just by being my friend after I've been such an idiot is the best thing anyone has done for me."

"Well, what are friends for?" Gena replied as she pulled back.

"Oh, Gena! I have some news." Leana's face broke into a smile as she told her friend about Yonell.

"But, Lena, that's wonderful! What did Kayle say?"

"I don't know. Herald Talia sent someone down to tell her and move my stuff into the palace. You're the first person I've told."

"You wanted to tell me first?"

"Sure. You're my best friend. You should be the first to know. And I wanted to make up with you."

"Well then. As your best friend, you have to take me with you to tell Robin the news." And before Leana could answer, Gena had grabbed Leana's arm and was dragging her down the hall. Gena opened the room and found Adame practicing and Robin reading.

"Hello boys!" She called out as they entered the room. "Lena has something to tell you." She pushed Leana in front of her.

Leana suddenly felt nervous about sharing her news. She hadn't seen Robin since the day before and she _knew_ Adame was mad at her. But, Gena pushed her forward again. Robin smiled at her reassuringly as he put down his book.

Gena finally gave an exasperated sigh. "Good grief, Lena." She turned to address the boys. "Our speechless Leana has just been chosen."

There was a stunned silence, then Robin rose to stand in front of Leana. "Is this true?"  
Leana nodded. "I'm going to be a Herald."

Robin suddenly grinned and pulled Leana into a hug. "I'm so happy for you."

Leana tensed when Robin first put his arms around her, but then she grabbed on desperately. Before she new it, she was softly crying again.

"What's the matter, Lena?"

"I've missed you," it came out as a whisper, but Robin heard her.

"I saw you only yesterday."

" I know, but it hasn't been the same. Not for a long time."

Robin rubbed her back soothingly. "No, it hasn't been."

Leana snuffled into his shirt. "You know, you haven't hugged me since your recital?"

Robin's arms tightened around her. "I'll try to hug you more often in the future," he promised.

**& & & & &**

The four friends made their way to dinner together and Leana had a chance to see all her other friends. She hadn't seen them since her accident and everyone was happy to hear her news.

"Just don't go all mysterious on us and talk to yourself all the time," Sera said mock sternly. "You'd better still eat with us."

Jewly chimed in, "Yea! And don't forget to tell us all the court gossip. You're going to be in a position to know a lot of it."

Leana laughed, "Well, I can't promise not to be a little mysterious. After all, that's half the fun of being a Heraldic trainee. But, I promise to tell you what gossip I can."  
The girls seemed mollified and Leana enjoyed a wonderful dinner. Just as she was finishing, she saw Herald Talia approaching the table with a dark, young man.

"Leana, this is Travys. He's one of your year mates. He's agreed to show you around the trainee wing."

Travys stuck out his hand. "I'm glad there's another trainee," Leana hesitatingly took the proffered hand as he continued. "I was the first chosen for this coming year and I was afraid I'd be the only one until they all arrive. Rumor has it, it'll be at least three more weeks."

Travys' friendly attitude put Leana at ease and she willingly followed him towards her new quarters. Travys pointed out all the necessary places as they went past. "So, we don't actually start any classes until everyone's arrived?"

"Not, the Heraldic ones. We have to have orientation together and some of the other classes. But, that doesn't mean you get out of the classes you're attending now. There may be a modification, but most of your classes should remain the same for a while. There should be a schedule in your room."

**& & & & &**

Leana was surprised to find she had a room all to herself. Travys shrugged at her surprise and said the arrangements had been made at Talia's orders. And no one in the palace messed with Talia. Leana was glad that she had some time to get used to the whole Herald thing before starting her new classes. She was still in all the same classes as before, although she had secretly hoped she wouldn't have to take math once the new ones started, and Robin was helping her catch up with everything. And Yonell was trying to help in her own way, which usually consisted of carefully orchestrated comments that startled her chosen. And always at the worst possible time.

_:You're supposed to be studying history, not Robin's hands.:_

Leana yelped, "Don't do that!"

Robin looked up from the book. "Do what?" Then he saw her face. "Oh, your Companion."

Leana nodded. "I don't think I'll ever get used to her popping in my head."

_:Well, get used to it because I'm not going anywhere.:_

Leana sighed, "Or her attitude."

"I guess you'll just have to get used to it," Robin said. "It's not like your Companion is going anywhere."

Leana groaned. "That's exactly what she said."

"Sounds like a wise Lady."

Leana put her head in her hands, secretly pleased that Robin liked Yonell so much. And glad that he had forgiven her as easily as Gena. Things were indeed getting back on track and Yonell was always there to help her when she began to feel down. Her classes were getting caught up and she was back in good graces with everyone. Although she had to wonder how much was that was due to the fact that she had been chosen to become a Herald. Heralds seemed to be given more license than other people in Haven. She absolutely adored Yonell and spent as much time with her as she could down in Companion's Field. She an Robin were once again spending every day together. Lena would have given up on anything other than friendship if it hadn't been for Gena.

**& & & & &**

"He does so like you," Gena replied to Leana's frustration.

"Then why didn't he seem interested before? It's not like he was misunderstanding the situation."

"Well, maybe he likes those situations to be in private. Even I waited until I knew Adame was alone before I pounced on him."

"What about when I cornered him in his room?"

Gena thought for a moment. "Well, maybe you caught him so off guard that he didn't know what to think. Or maybe he's just really shy and coming on strongly made him panic. I don't know why he seemed so reluctant. But I do know that he talks about you constantly to Adame."

"He does?"

"Yes. I don't know what he says, because Adame won't tell me. But that's probably a good sign. Robin is probably telling Adame how much he likes you."

"I don't know—"

"Well, I do! All you need is the right plan. We know that ambushing him isn't such a good idea. Maybe you should try this . . ."

**& & & & &**

As the days continued, Leana slowly began to get used to Yonell's odd comments. Travys had taken to eating with her and her friends and as their other year mates arrived in Haven, they came to eat with them as well.

Aime was a bundle of energy. Short and petite, Leana knew it wouldn't be long before she was into everything. Havens forbid she started to pal around with Sara and Jewly. Rae, who looked like a distant cousin to Aime, just wanted to learn about what gifts she had. The two of them hadn't met before coming to Haven, but they immediately became inseparable. They even looked similar, except for their hair. And finally, Toni arrived. He didn't say much. Sometimes he ate with everyone else and sometimes he ate by himself. But Leana didn't have time to think about that more than a couple times because, with the arrival of Toni, her new classes began.

**& & & & &**

Adame and Robin were playing a their second round of Hinds and Hounds when Adame glanced up from the board. "Robbie, I know you're not the best at Hinds and Hounds, but you usually pay better attention than this. What's the matter?"

Robin sighed, running a hand through his hair as he sat back from the board. "I'm sorry, Adame. I guess my mind is a little preoccupied today."

Adame grinned, "Would this have anything to do with a certain Heraldic trainee?"

"Yes, but not in the way you mean."

Adame turned serious. "Is everything all right?"

"For now, yes." Robin got up and began to pace. A clear sign that he was feeling frustrated. "I'm afraid that I haven't seen the last of Leana's strange behavior. You know she never did talk to me about why she wanted to climb that tree and why she had been so out of sorts. If she hasn't dealt with it, it might come back."

"Don't borrow trouble, Robin," Adame advised. "Just because Lena hasn't spoken to you about this doesn't mean she hasn't spoken to someone else."

Robin perked up. "Has Lena spoken with Gena? Do you know anything? Can I help—"

"Robin," Adame cut in. "I don't know if Lena has spoken to Gena or not. Gena wouldn't break that kind of confidence. But I was thinking more along the lines of Lena's Companion. That's one of the reasons Heralds and Companions make such good teams, they can trust each their and the Companions can help their Chosen in a way no other can."

"You're right, of course," Robin said. "But I just wish I knew what was really going on."

"You can't force her to talk, Robin." At Robin's nod, Adame began to reset the board.

"Now, are you going to give me a challenge, or should we just declare me the winner for tonight?"

Robin grinned. "Let's play."

Robin managed to be completely engrossed in the game when there was a distinctive knock on the door. Leana came in after their invitation and immediately sprawled out on Robin's bed. When she didn't move or say anything, Robin became concerned.  
"Lena? Are you alright?"

Leana didn't answer right away, but he finally heard her say, "As long as I don't have to move, I'm fine." She groaned as she shifted slightly in the bed to look at Robin. "Oh gods, I hurt!"

Robin then remembered that she had just started a new round of classes the other day.

"Weapons practice?" he asked.

Leana mutely nodded. Robin exchanged a look with his roommate and Adame began packing up the pieces of their game. Robin went to sit next to Leana on the bed. He gently began to massage her shoulders and arms, knowing that was where she would hurt the most. He felt Leana sigh and relax into the pillow.

"You're a lifesaver," she mumbled.

Robin smiled, glad to know that Leana was okay. "Just let me know if I start to hurt you."  
He felt, rather than heard, Leana's chuckle. "You couldn't possibly hurt more than those practice blades."

"That bad, huh?" he asked, vaguely aware as Adame left the room.

"Worse."

"How about your other classes?" he asked. He was glad Adame had given them some privacy. His friendship with Leana was back on track, but Robin was hoping to change that soon. But he knew he had to tread carefully. Something had happened to Leana and he still didn't know what. Right now he concentrated on getting her relaxed.

"Well, my orientation class is over as of today. Dirk was happy to let us go. Aime and Rae were about to drive him nuts."

"Really. Why?"

"Poor Dirk was having trouble telling them apart and they decided to use that to their advantage."

Robin was slightly confused. "They may look similar in the face, like they were cousins, but Aime's a brunette and Rae's blond."

"Oh, that's right. You've missed lunch the last couple of days."

Robin had needed to rehearse with some of his fellow students the last few days and the only time that everyone was free was during lunch. Robin had refused to even think about filling the afternoon with rehearsals that was his time to spend with Leana. "What happened at lunch?"

"Well, it didn't happen at lunch, but you would've seen the effects of it. See, Aime found a Herald-Mage trainee to turn her hair blond."

"Oh no!"

"Oh, yes. Poor Dirk's been pulling his hair out!"

Robin chuckled, sorry he had missed them at lunch. "So now that your orientation class is over, what will you be doing?"

"I'll start gift classes soon," Leana's voice began to trail off. "They'll test us to see what gifts we have and then determine if we need to get trained right away or if it can wait." Robin was aware that Leana was about to fall asleep.

"Come on, Lena," he urged as he slowly got her to her feet. "You need to get something to eat, take a long soak, and go to bed."

Leana wobbled a little as she stood and then put her arms around Robin. "I don't suppose you want to help."

Robin was shocked for a moment and feared that something really was wrong with Leana again. But then he realized she was still half-asleep, which was why she had her arms around him for support.

Leana continued. "I really don't think I can make it back to my room by myself."  
Robin lifted Leana into his arms. "Come on, Herald-to-be, I think it's past your bedtime" Robin carefully took her to her room and placed her on the bed. He managed to get both boots off before she curled up into a ball. He pulled the covers over her and gently kissed her hair before going in search of some food he could leave for her.

**& & & & &**

When Robin returned to his room later that evening, Adame was waiting for him. "You and Leana certainly make a cute couple."

Robin made a face. "You know full well that Leana and I are just friends."

Adame nodded slowly, "Which is why she came here when she was so exhausted and flung herself on your bed, giving you the perfect chance to get your hands on her." Robin didn't answer. He and Adame had been through this before. "Look," Adame said into the silence, "I know you're worried about how she was acting before and _why_ she acted that way. But, all you have to do is ask her."

Robin thought about it as he tried to fall asleep. Maybe he _should_ just ask her. It would probably be a difficult and embarrassing conversation, but at least there would be less confusion. He just needed to wait for the right time.

**& & & & &**

Leana didn't get to see Robin the next afternoon. She had been kept after her new class with several Heralds because she had an unusual gift.

"I just don't know what to make of it," Herald Teren said, looking at the other Heralds for help. Talia, Dirk, and Teren had all been trying to figure out exactly what gift Leana had for the last couple of hours.

Talia must have sensed that their confusion was starting to scare Leana because she looked right at Leana and explained. "We can tell that you have a moderate gift for mindspeech."

"Which is normal for most Heralds," Dirk assured her.

Talia continued, "But it's not your primary gift. You have a very strong gift that none of us have ever seen before."

"What kind of gift is it?" Leana asked.

"We don't really know, yet," Teren told her. "It's similar to empathy, but not quite." He shook his head. "We just can't get a proper fix on it."

_:Tell them it's because you're blocking your gift.:_

"Do you know what this gift is?" Leana asked, hoping the Companion may have an answer.

_:No. But I do know that, although you have used it in the past, you're blocking yourself from doing so now.:_

"Yonell says she doesn't know what this gift is, but that you can't get a fix on it because I'm blocking it."

"In that case," Teren decided. "We'll put you in a class by yourself. We'll find a way to unblock you and then maybe we can find out exactly what this gift is."  
When Leana was finally dismissed, she quickly made her way to Kayle's house for dinner. She tried to spend at least a couple nights with Kayle, now that she was living at the palace. If she hurried, she could just make it in time.

**& & & & &**

Kayle was proud of Leana. Leana knew this because Kayle had told her more than fifty times since she had been home. It was nice, actually, to have someone in her family close by. Someone who told her they were proud of her. Someone who had known her father.  
After dinner, Leana climbed back onto Yonell's back and they headed back towards the palace. She wanted to talk to Robin about her afternoon, but it was already approaching dusk and she didn't want to bother him. He needed to rehearse and all she would do is talk about this strange gift of hers.

_:He would enjoy your company.:_ Yonell said. _:And he may make you feel less uncertain about having a gift the Heralds don't recognize.:_

"You don't think he'd mind?"

Yonell snorted. _:Of course not. I bet he's missed you since yesterday.:_

Leana felt her cheeks grow slightly warm. "Okay. I guess I can stop by."

Yonell didn't reply, but her gait suggested that she was pleased with herself.  
Leana met Robin as he was coming out of his door. "Lena. I didn't think I'd see you today."

"I had a bit of trouble with my new class so I had to stay over," she explained. "But, I thought maybe I could tell you about it. . .but you're on your way out—"

Robin closed his door behind him. "I was just on my way to go walk in the gardens. We can talk out there." Robin took Leana's hand and led her outside.

Leana told him everything that had happened that afternoon. And she told him how worried she was that this meant her gift was something dangerous or bad. But Robin didn't seem at all concerned.

"Lena, there was a time not long ago when mage gift was unknown and unidentified."

"True, but it was usually found as something else, like farsight. This is new."

"If this gift has been identified as something else in the past, you wouldn't know it, Lena.

And maybe they've learned not to make assumptions now. Or it may be a gift usually not found in Heralds."

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe it's a gift that is usually found with the Healing gift and it's just now come as a Heraldic gift. And maybe they just found it in you because your only other gift is moderate mindspeech. Maybe in other Heralds it was always found as a small gift of empathy."

"I guess."

"Just wait and see. They'll find out they've been missing a gift for years because they've been too caught up in everything else."

Leana smiled, "I knew you'd make me feel like there's nothing to worry about." She saw Robin return her smile, but could see that something was still bothering him. "What is it, Robin?"

Robin stopped walking, looking around for something. Then, looking determined, he pulled Leana over to a bench and sat down. "I want to talk to you about something, but I think it's going to be an uncomfortable conversation."

Leana's stomach dropped and she already felt uncomfortable, but she nodded to let Robin know he should continue.

"I just wanted to know why you were treating me so strangely before. Why you were trying to se – seduce me." Robin's face was a painful red and Leana could feel her face begin to match.

"I guess I just wanted to," Leana answered. "It seemed like a good idea at the time. I felt bad about all the fighting we'd been doing and I thought . . .Well I was trying to fix things between us."

Robin took her right hand in his. "Lena, that's not the way to fix things."  
Leana realized that Robin was misunderstanding. "I didn't mean . . .I was convinced at the time that the reason we were fighting was because of the frustration I was feeling about just being friends. I thought if we became more than friends the frustration would be taken care of and things would go back to normal."

"Well, we're here now," Robin pointed out. "And you didn't need to seduce me to get me out here." Leana smiled at Robin, anticipating what would come next. "But, under the circumstances, I think we should take things slowly."

Leana's heart sank as she realized Gena had been wrong. Robin wasn't interested in her, he just wanted to make sure she wouldn't act crazy again. "You really don't need to patronize me," she said, pulling away from Robin. "you can just tell me you're not interested."

"Lena—"

"That way you don't have to worry about me trying to jump you anymore."

"Lena!"

"I'd rather just know the truth than—"

"Damn it, Leana!" Robin swore and he pulled Leana's face to his, kissing her fiercely. Leana was too shocked to respond at first, but then she put her arms around Robin pulling him closer. When they finally pulled apart, Robin placed his forehead on Leana's. "I _am_ interested. I just don't want to do anything to mess this up. And I don't want you doing this under the influence of being . . ."

"Crazy," Leana answered. Who would want to be with a crazy girl?

"No, not crazy," Robin was quick to reply, making Leana feel better. "Just out of character." Robin leaned in to kiss Leana again, this time softly. Leana's mind took a moment to catch up to realize that Robin was speaking. ". . .but the worst is over. I just don't want to risk our relationship on anything."

Leana felt a bit of dread at the mention of her 'uncharacteristic' behavior. "What if it comes back, Robin?" she asked fearfully. "It's happened twice before."

Robin pulled her securely in his arms and Leana felt herself relax despite her fears.  
"But next time it will be different. Next time you won't have to face it alone. I can help you. We all can."

"I didn't do so well with you guys looking out for me last time." Leana pointed out.

"Maybe not. But last time you didn't have Yonell. Trust her, Lena. She won't let anything happen to you."

Leana tried to be comforted, but she feared that she hadn't seen the last of this strange feeling inside her. She just hoped that Yonell's influence would be enough.


	4. Chapter Four: The Grey Dawn

**Chapter Four: The Grey Dawn**

It started slowly. So slowly, in fact, that Leana didn't really notice anything changing. But after a few days, Leana began to notice her year mates were avoiding her.

"Do you think I've done something to offend them?" she asked Gena at lunch when all four of her year mates decided not to eat with them.

Gena looked over at the table across the hall, studying the students. "I don't think it has anything to do with you, Lena." Gena told her. Leana raised her eyebrow and Gena continued, "They're sitting at the table with the Heralds. My guess is that your year mates are trying to fit in with the others."

Sera grimaced from across the table. "If anyone is being snubbed, it's us. We aren't Heralds." Sera was tying to look insulted, but the smile playing at her lips ruined the effect.

Leana laughed at her friend, "Well, I'll try to put up with you lot for a while longer before I desert you in favor of the Heralds' superior company."

"I'm glad to hear that," Robin said as he and Greggie found seats at the table. "I'd hate to lose you now."

Greggie chuckled, "As if you wouldn't be half a step behind Leana if she did decide to switch tables."

"And then we'd all follow," Sera continued. "So, don't think you can get away from us that easily."

Leana pretended to consider the situation. "You do realize there aren't enough seats over at the Herald table."

_:Don't forget you and Gena have available laps to sit on.:_ Yonell teased.

Leana choked and tried to stop herself from turning red.

"What?" asked Jewly. "What did your companion say?" Leana only shook her head, not ready to speak. Jewly turned to Sera. "It's just not fair. Companions have the best gossip in the kingdom and the only ones they share it with are their Heralds."

Yonell's cheery voice added _:And we have the advantage of knowing what's true. Like how cute you and Robin were last night when he--:_

"Yonell!" Leana exclaimed, putting her face in her hands.

Sera looked over at Jewly and smiled. "If we can't get the goods out of Lena, then we'll just have to pump Robin for information."

"True," Jewly replied. "Anything that turns Leana's face that color must've been caused by Robin."

Leana was grateful to see Robin's face begin to turn color.

"Ooh, yes," Sera continued. "Robin could make anyone blush. Especially since he and a certain friend of ours missed dinner yesterday."

Robin's face deepened to match Leana's. She knew there was no reason to be embarrassed. She and Robin had just enjoyed a picnic last night. The days wouldn't be nice for much longer and they had wanted to take advantage of that. Robin had decided to be silly and pretend he was Lord calling on a highborn Lady. The whole situation was absurd and Leana had enjoyed every minute of it. And Yonell had left them in privacy, once she had gotten a few jabs in.

**& & & & &**

Leana finished lunch and headed for her classes. Her friends always made her feel better about things, but she still had a nagging feeling that something was going on. And it wasn't just the avoidance. That afternoon Leana could swear that Toni was afraid of her. He seemed to defer to everything she said. And she knew some of the things she was saying were wrong. But, why would he be afraid of her?

After her class, she had another shock. Her gift was beginning to manifest itself. The Heralds still didn't know much about it, but Talia said she could sense some kind of projection.

"You're not projecting emotions," Talia assured her. "But it is something similar. We're still going to have to wait and see." Talia must have known Leana was still upset because she continued. "Don't worry, Leana. We knew the first step was to unblock your gift. Now we can really start to learn how to get your gift under control."

But, Leana wasn't satisfied with that explanation. She decided she needed to know what the Heralds really thought about her gift, so she stayed outside the door to listen in.

"I don't like it, Talia," Teren said once they had given Leana enough time to leave. "The girl's using a gift we can't even identify."

"It's not as if she were doing something wrong," Talia countered. "And she certainly isn't hurting anyone. We'd have heard about it by now if she were."

"Now, Talia. I understand that the poor girl doesn't know what she's doing, but you're the one who said she was beginning to manipulate people around her. She may have been doing so since she came to Haven."

"I really don't think-"

Teren interrupted her, "Look, you said that some of the masters have even been coming to you about her. She may not be hurting anyone yet, but it may only be a matter of time."

"The masters are more concerned with her strange behavior before being chosen, no one has mentioned anything about a wayward gift. There are only a few people who _might_ be affected by her and it may not have anything to do with her gift. Let's not borrow trouble."

"I know, Talia. We just need to find the truth now, before the gossip begins to spread."

Leana didn't wait to hear any more. She was too upset. They had told her that her gift was projecting, but they hadn't said that she was manipulating anyone. And Teren thought she might have been doing so since she arrived.

What if he's right? What if I have been influencing people? What if the only reason anyone became my friend was because I was forcing them to? What if I've influenced Gena and Robin?

_:Don't take it so hard, dearheart.:_ Yonell told her. _:I know you haven't been manipulating people since you got here. Remember, you're gift was blocked until a few days ago.:_

_:Maybe.:_ Leana answered. _:But what if I really have been influencing people:_

_:Then we will find out the truth and put it right. You couldn't have been doing anything too drastic. More people would have noticed. And _I_ certainly would have noticed.:_

_:I guess so.:_ But Leana still doubted. She had noticed people were acting differently towards her. It was just that no one else had.

**& & & & &**

Robin knew something was bothering Leana as soon as she walked in. He could see it in her face, even behind the half-smile she managed when she saw him. "What's up?"

Leana shook her head. "It's nothing." Her gaze unfocused for a minute and then she added, "At least it's nothing that can be dealt with right now."

Robin wanted to press her further, but decided that it could wait. Now probably wasn't the time or place to be getting into any sticky conversations. He turned his attention to Greggie and Kurtis, who were once again in their favorite discussion of love ballads. He was about to ask the guys to knock it off when Leana's fork flew across the table, hitting Gena. The conversation stopped.

"I'm sorry, Gena," Leana apologized instantly. "I was paying attention to Greggie and Kurtis and didn't realize I was doing anything with my fork."

"It's fine, Lena. No harm done, except to your poor fork." She handed the fork back to Leana, who put it safely on the table.

Robin leaned closer to Leana, "Problems with class?"

Leana picked up her cup and began to tap the edge of it against the table. "I guess you could say that." The tapping increased and Robin finally put his hand on her arm. "Sorry," Leana said, taking her hand away from the cup. "I just found something disturbing about my gift and I'm not really taking it well."

Robin was about to ask when Leana's face went blank. He knew better than to interrupt a discussion between Herald and Companion. Then Leana began to look angry. "But, you don't know that."

The reply to her Companion was so loud that the entire group stopped talking. Since Leana had learned to use mindspeech with Yonell, she only talked out loud when she was shocked or angry. Leana listened again while Robin looked on, fearing the Trainee and Companion were in a serious argument.

"I don't care what you say. You weren't around when I first came to Haven, so you can't know the truth." Then a moment later, "But you hadn't chosen me yet. You can't possibly know every little thing about every person before you choose someone." Then finally, "But my friends aren't Heralds! You just don't understand. Leave me alone." Leana shot up from the table and began to storm off. Robin exchanged a worried look with Adame and hurried after her.

Robin caught up with Leana just as she let herself into her room. Robin didn't even let the door close behind her before letting himself in. She didn't turn around to look at him, but he heard her say, "I don't really want to talk about it, Robin."

"Well, maybe you could vent?" he offered.

"Vent?" she asked, turning to face him sounding irritated. "Why in the Havens would I need to vent?" Robin almost flinched from the sound in her voice. "Just because my fellow trainees are afraid of me."  
That seemed odd to Robin. "They're not afraid of you, Leana."

"Oh, no? They won't let me be wrong, even when I know I am. Toni seems more than a little frightened of me and even some of the teachers are deferring to me at odd times."

"I don't understand."

"Well, of course you don't!" Leana snapped. "How could you possibly understand manipulating people with a gift?"

Robin surmised that her gift was beginning to surface again. That must be what was bothering her so much. But, that didn't give her the right to yell at him. "Lena, that's not fair-"

"Not fair? What's not fair is that my gift is manipulating people and I can't even control it. I've probably been manipulating everyone since I came here. I may have been manipulating you since we met."

Robin refused to reply in anger, although he was tired of Leana's scornful attitude. "You haven't been manipulating me, Lena," he said much more calmly than he felt. His stomach dropped as he realized the full implication of what she was telling him. It could only be bad. If word of this got out, it could damage, not just her reputation, but the reputation of the Heralds.

"How would you know?" Leana countered. "Ungifted would be affected much more easily than the gifted. And you aren't a Herald."

Robin's temper finally began to erode. "Lena, I may not be a Herald, but I am gifted! Bardic gift is a gift that centers around manipulating people. I do know what it's like to influence those around you. And I know what it's like to wonder if you're doing the right thing. . . if you're stealing some part of them."

"But-"

Robin cut her off, "And I know you haven't been influencing me for two reasons. One, I'm not at all afraid of you. And two, I know you're wrong and I'm telling you so." Robin slowed down as he saw Leana consider what he had said. "I know this bothers you, but that's no reason to take it out on me."

Leana's face began to flush. "I'm sorry, Robin." She whispered. "I really didn't mean to take it out on you." Robin's heart softened and he pulled Leana onto his arms. He would never be able to stay mad at her for long, which could end up being his undoing. He was surprised to find that Leana was trembling slightly.

"I'm scared, Robin," she admitted softly.

Robin pulled back and saw two tears slowly trailing down her face. He gently brushed them away with his fingers. "Don't be afraid. No matter what happens, I'm here with you." His lips replaced his fingers and then he felt Leana relax as his mouth covered hers and he tried to kiss away all her fears.

**& & & & &**

Robin left Leana feeling much better about herself and the situation. "At least now I know I'm not alone," she said to herself. Then she felt a pang of guilt. Yonell had only been trying to help and hadn't deserved Leana's anger. She grabbed a cloak and headed for Companion's Field.

Yonell was waiting for her when she arrived and Leana wasted no time in throwing her arms around Yonell. "I'm sorry, love. I didn't mean it."

_:It's okay Leana. It's natural for fear to turn into anger. But, I trust Robin made you feel better:_

Leana nodded, "He always does."

_:Well, if that's the case, you should take him with you next time you decide to eavesdrop.:_ Yonell said wryly. _:That way you don't have to explain anything to him and he'll be able to rush in to defend you if necessary._: Yonell accompanied her last thought with an image of Robin dressed in armor, rushing into a room full of Heralds brandishing a lute. The image was so absurd that Leana couldn't help laughing.

"I'll remember to ask him next time I want to listen in, but I don't know where we're going to find armor to fit him."

**& & & & &**

Leana and Gena entered the Rose, looking forward to having a good time and relaxing. Leana had decided, with the urging of Yonell, to forget about the problems with her gift tonight and Leana was glad to have a distraction.

The girls quickly found seats at their usual table and began to catch up on the latest gossip.

Tonight, Sera and Jewly had targeted Aime for their teasing, having received new information from one of their unnamed sources.

"I heard he thinks you're cute," Sera was saying as Leana sat down.

"I heard he thinks you're smart," Jewly countered.

The two girls had trapped Aime between them and Aime's head whipped back and forth between them as she listened to what they shared.

Gena laughed at the sight. "Just who is it that holds Aime in such high esteem?"

The duo chimed, "Travys," and then shared a grin as Aime's face began to turn red.

Aime finally held up her hands. "Look, he hasn't said anything to me and he doesn't even seem to pay attention. Until he does, why don't you pick on someone else?"

Sera frowned, "But who can we pick on?"

Jewly continued, "Lena came without Robin."

Aime, not willing to give up, asked, "What about Gena and Adame? You never pick on them."

"They're no fun."

"Yeah. Besides, we picked on them enough last year."

Gena leaned close to Leana and whispered. "The trick is not to blush or act upset when they tease you. Then they can't tell when they're hitting a mark and it's no fun for them. Then they'll move on to someone else."

"Thanks for the tip," Leana replied. As she continued to watch Sera and Jewly try to make several of their friends blush. She was tapping her feet and wishing there was music so she could dance. But then she realized she didn't really need music. She turned to Gena.

"I think I want to dance."

Gena laughed. "But, Lena, there's no music."

"Who needs music?" She rose to her feet and looked for an appropriate partner. Her eyes fell on Toni and she thought this might be a good way to let him know there was no reason to be afraid of her. "Perfect," she said to herself as she went to the end of the table.

"Want to dance?"

Toni looked up at Leana, startlement crossing his face. "Uh. . ."

"Come on," Leana urged as she grabbed his arm and pulled him to hi feet. She tried to get Toni to dance, but he fought her and finally he pulled away and practically ran for the door.

Gena came up as Toni was leaving and asked,"Are you okay?"

Leana grinned, "I'm fine. I'm just in such a good mood I want to dance. Or maybe sing. Do you think I should try singing? My dad always said I shouldn't be afraid of singing, even though I knew I wasn't any good. Of course, when you have a Bard for a father, it's hard to see any moderate talent as good. Although I would have to say even my best efforts don't really come close to moderate. So I guess I'll have to leave the music to Robin, only he's not here. Hey! Adame's here, maybe he could sing and I could dance. That's what this place needs: some music." Leana began to approach Adame, but Gena stopped her.

"Lena, I think maybe you need to go home. Something's wrong."

Leana sighed. "I told you, nothing's wrong. I'm just really happy and I want to enjoy it."

"Something _is_ wrong, Lena. You're not usually like this-"

"Look," Leana hissed, conscious for the first time that they were not alone to have this argument. "I told you I'm fine, now let go of me."

"Lena, please."

"No!" Leana said harshly. "I'm tired of everyone expecting me to go crazy. Every time I turn around some is asking me if I'm okay. Well, I'm _fine_ and I don't have to take this from you." She wrenched herself from Gena's grasp and stomped out of the Rose.

_:Leana:_

"And I don't want another lecture from you!"

Yonell fell silent and Leana fumed all the way back to her room. She felt as if everyone around her was treating her like glass. As if one wrong move would cause her to go over the edge. But at the same time, Leana knew she was overreacting. She knew her friends cared about her. As Leana tried to go to sleep, feelings of guilt prevented her from getting rest.

_I shouldn't have yelled at Gena. She was only trying to help. And dancing in the Rose is kind of unusual for me. I usually don't do things that strange on impulse._ Leana sighed. _I'll just have to do better. No more weird behavior, no more yelling at people unless there's a good reason for it._ Feeling better about the situation, Leana finally drifted off to sleep.

**& & & & &**

Unfortunately for Leana, her resolve lasted less than a day. She had met Sera and Jewly on her way to lunch.

"Lena, wait up!" Sera and Jewly came running up to her. "How are your classes?" Sera asked as they made their way with the crowd headed for lunch.

Leana shrugged, "Okay, I guess." She didn't really feel like talking about her classes yet because she was still so worried about her gift. No one else really knew what was going on since the Heralds had felt it necessary to keep the problems low-key until a solution could be found. And Sera and Jewly weren't exactly known for keeping secrets.

"Well, are you feeling better since last night?" Sera asked, seeming to understand that Leana didn't want to talk school.

"You were acting kind of weird last night before you left." Jewly added.

"I don't really want to talk about that," Leana said, feeling shame about her behavior from the previous night.

Sera pouted, "You never want to talk about anything."

"Yeah, sometimes it makes me think it's because you know something," Jewly said mischievously.

Leana groaned silently. "I just don't feel like talking right now, okay?"

"Are you all right?" Jewly asked.

Leana abruptly stopped in the hallway just outside of the common room. "I wish people would stop asking me that all the time. I'm fine. I'm not crazy, I just have a lot on my mind right now and that makes me a little. . .distracted. And I just don't want to discuss it."

"We're just trying to help," Sera protested.

Despite the fact that Leana knew it was true and knew there was no reason to be upset, she couldn't help the feeling of irritation that invaded her. "Well, maybe you should just mind your own business. In fact, the two of you could do me a favor and just leave me be."

Jewly opened her mouth, but Leana cut her off. "No. I don't want to hear another word from either of you." Leana stepped inside the common room and went to find her seat. Both Sera and Jewly had fallen silent after Leana's tirade.

Neither girl spoke during lunch.

"What's the matter with you two?" Gena finally asked. "Usually you don't shut up long enough to eat."

Sera looked over at Leana and then shrugged. Leana thought the girls were taking things a little too far. Maybe Leana had lost her temper, but that was no reason for Sera and Jewly to be patronizing her like this. Or trying to make her feel guilty. Although the guilt trip was certainly working.

Feeling sorry for herself, Leana had brushed off all of Robin's attempts to get her to talk. She ended up going to her classes feeling both depressed and angry. And that was something that Talia couldn't possibly miss. Her only hope was that Talia wouldn't ask any questions. Leana prepared herself for a long afternoon.

**& & & & &**

She wasn't doing well with the masters trying to center on her gift. She couldn't concentrate on anything and kept snapping responses to their questions. Teren finally called an early end to the session, saying that they wouldn't be able to figure anything out until she was focused. Leana was making her way out of the room when Talia caught up to her.

"You know, things really aren't so bad," she offered.

"I guess."

"Now that your gift is working, we'll be able to how you're using it."

"How I'm manipulating people you mean," Leana spit out.

Talia didn't seem surprised that Leana had said that. "So, you heard us, huh?"

Leana mutely nodded.

"Is that what has you so worked up? The idea that you may be manipulating people?"

"It's not really that," Leana stopped as she realized that Talia had managed to herd her out into the gardens. "I mean, it bothers me, but there's something else."

"What is it?" Talia urged. "Are you afraid of what made you jump out of that tree?"

"I didn't jump," Leana automatically asserted. But part of her wondered. She didn't really remember much right before the accident. Maybe she had jumped from the tree. That might be why people were treating her like spun glass. Was it possible?

"But you don't know for sure, do you?" Talia probed gently. "Why don't you tell me why you were climbing trees in the first place."

"I don't really know. I haven't done anything like that before. . .well, not since just after my father died."

"Tell me about it," Talia requested.

So Leana told Talia about how upset she had been when her father died and how she had become restless afterward. She shared how the villagers had thought something was wrong with her. She shared what she hadn't told anyone else: That some of the villagers had urged her Aunt to seek out the mindhealers because they were positive she was crazy. She told Talia about her move to Haven and how she began to feel restless again. She told Talia what she could remember from the day she fell from the tree. She told her how horrible she had felt afterwards and what she had been planning to do before she was chosen.

"And now?" Talia asked when Leana had stopped talking.

"Now I just feel messed up. I'm angry all the time, even when I know I have no reason to be. It's like I can't help myself and I just keep doing it." The anger in her voice was evident even to Leana's ears. "And most of the time I feel fine. Great, in fact, but then I'll do something really dumb and unusual and then when I think about it later I fell really stupid for even thinking that way. Some days I feel so restless and I know I have to do something, but nothing seems to work. Nothing can hold my interest for more than a few minutes. I keep getting into fights with people-"

"Leana," Talia interrupted. Or tried to.

"-and then apologizing for it later. I always seem-"

"Leana."

"-to be apologizing these days. I just can't seem to -"

"Leana!" Talia exclaimed, shaking Leana's shoulders, causing her to stop her tirade.

"- stop talking," Leana finished.

Talia brushed Leana's hair away from her face. "It'll be alright, child."

"How would you know?" demanded Leana. "You don't know what it feels like to-"

_:Leana, please.:_ Yonell intruded. _:Herald Talia's only trying to help you. She's taking time out of a busy schedule for you and I ask that you take it.:_ Yonell felt her question without Leana needing to ask. _:I've tried to help you all I could, but I obviously am not making much of a difference. I can't help you, dearheart. Maybe she can.:_

Talia waited in silence and Leana began to cry. Talia pulled Leana into her arms and tried to soothe her.

"Please, Herald Talia. I need help," she sobbed into Talia's tunic.

"Then you will get it," promised Talia.

**& & & & &**

Talia's first step was to take Leana to the Healers. She spoke with Devan as well as the Healers who had attended her when she had come in from her accident. They poked and prodded Leana for several candlemarks and finally admitted defeat. They could find nothing physically wrong with her. But they did agree that something seemed somehow off kilter about her. Talia had left her sitting in the waiting room while she went to go find the mindhealers. Leana began to get nervous as she waited.

_:It doesn't mean you're crazy.:_ Yonell said for the umpteenth time.

_:Of course it does. Why do you send for a mindhealer if someone isn't crazy:_

Yonell didn't offer an answer. They'd gone through this discussion several times in the last candlemark and Leana hadn't liked the answer the first time.

Leana wished she had someone to give moral support, but she was afraid to call for any of her friends. She knew Kayle would have come, but Leana was afraid that if Kayle knew how bad Leana was right now, she'd be shipped off like she was from Aunt Heln's. They didn't know she was crazy, they only suspected. And she didn't want Robin to know she was crazy. Who wanted to be involved with a crazy girl? Leana just knew that the truth would be the end of them. It was bad enough that she couldn't control herself.

_:Well, you can tell Robin the truth, which I suggest, or you can at least go to him for comfort. Once you're done here he may be able to make you feel better.:_

_:He doesn't need to be around me right now.:_ Leana countered. _:I'll either be way too clingy or completely distant. And I can guarantee we'd only end up in a fight. Robin doesn't deserve that.: _

_:He also doesn't deserve to think you're losing interest in him.:_

Leana chose not to answer that comment, feeling the stirrings of anger and knowing an argument was coming. She concentrated, instead, on the mindhealers she was about to see.

**& & & & &**

Their efforts proved to be as disappointing as the Healer's had been. Feeling defeated, since no one knew what was wrong with her, she found herself looking at the outside of Robin's door. She debated with herself for a long while about whether or not to go in. Finally she knocked tentatively and let herself in.

Robin was sitting at the desk and Adame and Gena were on Adame's bed, everyone looking tense and worried. Taking one look at Leana's face, Adame and Gena hastily rose and made an excuse to leave. Robin approached Leana, his face betraying severe strain.

"What is it, Leana?" he asked gently. Leana didn't answer, but placed herself into Robin's arms. He held her tightly, seeming to understand she didn't want to talk. After a few moments, Robin led her to the bed and pulled her down with him, all the while keeping her in his arms. Leana snuggled as close as she could get and let Robin's hands comfort her as she began to cry. Finally, she managed to stop the tears, but she didn't pull away from Robin.

Robin continued to rub her back, not saying anything. Leana sensed desperation in Robin, and had a feeling he knew what was going on. Gossip did, after all, travel fast in Haven. Especially in the palace. At least Robin wasn't treating her funny. Finally she heard Robin ask, "Are you sick?" the question was a little hard to answer. Robin continued, "I know you've been at the Healers since just after lunch. What did they find?"

"They don't know," Leana told him, a little of the bitterness creeping into her voice. "They spent all afternoon poking me and finally called the mindhealers. No one could pinpoint what it is, just that it's there. They don't know what else can be done. Robin…they might not be able to fix me."

Robin's arms tightened around Leana almost painfully and he finally choked out, "Oh, Leana. I can't stand the thought of losing you." His arms loosened slightly. "What does Yonell say?"

Leana sighed, "That I have to be patient and trust the Healers. She's sure they'll find the answer. I just have to hold on a little longer."

"Is there anything I can do?"

Leana thought about it and finally said, "I'm likely going to be kind of moody in the next few weeks. Even more than usual, and I can't seem to properly control my anger. Just stay by me and don't let this come between us."

"I wouldn't do that, Lena. I'll stay with you through the end. I promise you."

Leana was slightly puzzled by Robin's reaction. It was a bit fatalistic for someone who was going crazy. She sent a wordless question to Yonell and then heard _:There are rumors running around the palace. People think something serious is wrong. Robin may very well think you're dying.:_ If the situation weren't so serious, Leana would have laughed in relief. But Robin's face showed that he didn't think Leana was going to live much longer and the look tore her heart. And from the conversation they'd just had Robin probably thought she only had a few weeks.

"Robin," she said gently, realizing his reaction showed just how much he cared for her. "I'm not dying or anything."

Robin seemed confused, "You just said the Healers didn't know how to help-"

"I went to the Healers to find out why I've been unable to help the way I've been acting. It's not that I'm physically sick, I just have some problems."

Robin put his hands on either side of her face and looked deep into her eyes. "You're not dying."

Leana began to smile at Robin's need for assurance, "No, Robin. I'm not dying."

Robin pulled Leana on top of him and gave her the most thorough kiss she had ever received. She returned the favor, finding herself giddy with relief. Suddenly her life seemed in better perspective.

When Leana was once again lying peaceful in Robin's arms she said, "You know, I'm going to hold you to your promise not to let this get between us."

"I always keep my promises, Lena. I'll keep this one, too." And as Leana began to drift off she thought she heard him say, "And I intend to keep all of it."

**& & & & &**

The good feelings Leana had had while she was with Robin the night before left her as she heard what Talia had to say.

"I'm sorry, Leana. The mindhealers and Healers have talked it over and they can't figure out what's wrong with you."

Leana's heart sank. "So, there's nothing to do. No hope of getting this fixed."

"That's not what I said," Talia told her. She thought for a moment and then asked, "You spent some time in k'Valdemar Vale with your father, right?"

Leana nodded. "A little."

"I think it may be time to call in Silverfox."


	5. Chapter Five: Stumbling

A/N: Well guys... I'm back. After writing a few other stories in some other places, a person tracked me down to ask me to finish this. I had gotten major writer's block and had figured I'd never get to finish it, even though I tried every couple of months to pick back up. Well, I can't let my reader's down, so I've come back.

THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE REVIEWED! You make the writing worth it ;) You are ALL awesome!

HELP! I need a beta. Someone who can pester me about keeping things updated (I obviously need that on this story) and someone I can shoot a couple of ideas off when I've got a bit of writer's block. Some grammar and spell checking would be nice, too. And of course, if there are suggestions, feel free to comment.

Disclaimer: i, of course, don't own anything of Misty's world. She is the master. I just like to borrow her ideas every now and again.

The Knife's Edge

Chapter Five: Stumbling

Time should have stood still for Leana. After all, there was very little that could be done until Silverfox arrived. The teachers and Talia were still uncertain as to what her gift was and how she was using it. Frustration seemed to simmer below the surface of everything she did. And yet, life went on; it had to. There were classes to take, skills to master, and friends with which to spend time. Math, Religions, and Sword practice waited for no student.

Lena paced her room; thankful once again that she had one to herself. There were days when she felt as if there was too much energy stored inside of her. She couldn't move fast enough to be comfortable and even when she sat; her legs were bouncing up and down. Help couldn't get here soon enough.

Her friends were trying to be supportive. Robin and Gena knew as much as Leana knew, and probably Adame by association with Gena. But, the others only knew that Leana had been to see the healers a few weeks before. Leana was becoming good at dodging questions. But she was pretty sure that her other friends knew something was up because they weren't stupid.

_:Do you want to talk about it:_ Yonell's voice intruded.

_:Talk about what:_ Lena responded, almost automatically.

_:You seem to be feeling rather sorry for yourself. It's not good for you.:_

_:It's not like I do it on purpose, Yonell. I'm just…:_

_:I know, Leana. But maybe if you came out to ride for a while you'd feel a little more settled. You could use up some of that stored up energy. And maybe we can find out what's bothering you.:_

_:I don't really feel like talking right now.:_ Leana griped.

_:You never do, Leana.:_ Yonell's voice took a slightly disapproving edge. _:You're going to have to do something about how you're feeling before long. Otherwise your friends and teachers are going to give up on you.:_

Leana didn't answer; feeling like the same old argument would never change. She blocked her Companion from her thoughts and Yonell finally left her in peace. Leana began to pace her room once more and felt as if she could feel frustration actually bubbling inside her arms. Was that even possible? To experience an emotion so strongly that you could actually physically feel it course through your body?

Leana shook her head. Focusing on problems would only make them worse. Yonell was right about one thing, if she didn't start getting her act together, people were going to think she didn't want to be here… or be a Herald. Could students get sent home if they didn't do well in their classes? Was it possible for a Heraldic trainee to fail? It was said that Companions never made mistakes, but there was always the story of Gala and her Chosen, Tylendyl. Wasn't that enough to show that even if Companions didn't choose incorrectly that there were some things they just could not control? If Leana went insane, couldn't the same fate befall her?

Leana's pacing brought her to her desk and gazed at the books on it with some trepidation, but she had promised to be more diligent in her classes and she was determined to at least get a good start on her homework before it was too late to consider it. Besides, she would be starting classes soon that would require everyone to move up together. She couldn't hold back her yearmates just because she was feeling out of sorts.

Homework flew by, then dinner. Leana decided that she didn't want more than her best friends to know anything was wrong, so she tried her best to make everyone think she was normal. She forced a smile on her face and held the frustration at bay with sheer will so that no one would know she was struggling with herself. And as the next week went by, she began to believe it herself.

& & & & &

News of a stranger spread quickly throughout the Collegium. News always traveled fast, but the only reason a stranger would be news was if it was someone who was truly sensational. And from the descriptions, Leana had no doubt that this new arrival was a Hawkbrother. Her suspicions were confirmed when Talia sent a message for Leana to come meet her. But she didn't find what she had expected.

Leana stared in shock at the Hawkbrother that Talia introduced as Stormdancer. Leana had been resting all her hopes on Silverfox and believed that he would help her out. But she was shocked to see that Silverfox apparently did not feel any need to help a child he had once met.

The woman standing behind Talia was tall and moved gracefully, which Leana expected from one of the Tayledras, and her severe face showed an openness that Leana wanted to mistrust.

_:You don't like her:_ Yonell asked, her thoughts tinged with surprise.

_:It's not that I don't like her. I don't even _know_ her. It's just… Why is she here when the message was sent to Silverfox:_

A wordless shrug was Yonell's only response as Leana tried to listen to what Talia was telling her.

"…forwarded the message to Kaled'a'in Stormdancer. So she agreed to come in Silverfox's stead."

_Just what I thought, _Leana told herself bitterly, _Silverfox didn't want to help so he sent for some other person to take care of the crazy child. _

The woman stepped up past Talia and gave a slight bow. "I am honored for the chance to visit Valdemar's capital city. Tales of its wonder have traveled even to my Clan." Her smile may have seemed warm, but Leana wasn't going to be easily fooled. She nodded at the Hawkbrother, _no Kaled'a'in…like Silverfox,_, not really knowing what to say.

& & & & &

Leana's friends were full of questions over dinner. What was Stormdancer like? Where did she come from? Did she say she could help Leana?

"Look, everyone," she finally said. "I haven't really had a chance to talk with her. We only met for a couple of minutes. I'll be meeting her after dinner and then I can share some gossip with you."

Gena nodded. "Okay, but you know we're all going to want to know if she does anything really funny."

Robin nudged her with an elbow and whispered softly, "We're just really glad that you finally have someone who can help you." He smiled at her encouragingly. "Just think, before long, all this will be a bad memory."

Leana tried to smile back, doing her best to hide her feelings of betrayal. And wishing more than anything that she could get out of meeting with Stormdancer tonight. But she knew she didn't have a choice.

After eating, Leana slowly made her way to Stormdancer's room. It was like most of the special visitor's rooms in the palace and Stormdancer hadn't had any time to make it distinctive. As Leana was admitted to the room, she noticed an almost unpacked bag on Stormdancer's bed, guessing the Kaled'a'in had been finishing up when Leana arrived.

"Come in, Leana," Stormdancer invited with a smile. "Would you like any tea?"

Leana shook her head, not wanting to be rude, but not feeling as if she had to be too friendly either. Stormdancer gestured to a seat and Leana sank into it, not knowing what to say.

"Well," began Stormdancer as she made herself some tea. "Haven certainly is a large city. I thought it was going to take more than a day to make it in to the palace." Leana felt momentarily confused, but Stormdancer continued. "And it's so different from the Vales. There aren't enough trees and the smell of smoke just hangs in the air."

"Um, yeah," agreed Leana uncertainly.

"Tell me, Leana, did you find it strange when you moved here?"

Leana shrugged. "I guess. I had been living in a small town, so I wasn't really used to the city life."

Stormdancer smiled. "I think I'm going to need a map just to find the edge of the palace grounds."

"It's not really that bad," Leana assured her. "It takes some getting used to, but once you do, it's pretty easy to navigate. Once I started hanging out with my friends at the Compass Rose, I learned the streets pretty well."

"What's the Compass Rose?"

"It's a tavern that a bunch of the younger blues hang out in." Leana felt herself smile, "They serve really great sausage rolls."

"Really? Tell me about these blues."

So Leana began filling Stormdancer in on what the different classes in the collegium meant. And about how the blues hung out at the Compass Rose designing things and discussing mathematical applications that went way over Leana's head. Before long, the evening bell rang.

"Well, Leana. That's a sign that we've been talking too long." Stormdancer rose from her chair, Leana following. "Why don't you come by again the day after tomorrow?"

Leana agreed and walked back towards her room, lost in confusion. _We didn't really talk about anything. All she wanted to know was about the Compass Rose and who hangs out there. How is _that_ going to help me?_ She pondered a bit more. _Maybe she's just trying to male me think she wants to be friends so that I tell her stuff. Maybe it's just a way to break the ice…Or maybe she's trying to find out why Silverfox wouldn't come help me._

Leana felt herself tense up at that thought. It just wasn't right. It wasn't fair. And she didn't have to be friends with the stupid woman anyway. She was just supposed to help her, not be her best friend.

Leana arrived at her room, slamming the door loudly behind her, feeling slightly better when the sound reverberated down the hallway.

& & & & &

Leana wasn't sure what to tell her friends about Stormdancer, so she decided that the less she said the better. After all, she didn't want people to get their expectations up. So silence was the best answer. But that didn't keep her friends from asking questions.

Jewly and Sera were the most tenacious in their questioning, which Leana had come to expect from them, and Leana soon learned their weakness. Getting them to talk about Stormdancer's outfits.

"You mean to tell me she hasn't worn the same outfit more than once in the last two weeks?" Sera said incrediously at dinner one night.

"Nope," confirmed Leana. "And I know the ladies at the palace are going nuts trying to figure out how to copy her fashion."

The girls giggled and started discussing a way to make similar outfits in the various house colors. Maybe they would be able to earn some extra money that way.

Leana was glad that the girls had stopped asking too many questions about Stormdancer, aside from her fashions, and wished that Robin and Gena would follow suit.

As Jewly and Sera continued their discussion, Robin leaned close to her. "So how is everything else with Stormdancer going?"

Leana shrugged slightly. "It's fine."

"That's it?" Robin asked.

"Yeah," replied Leana. "Look, I don't mean to shut you out, Robin. It's just that I'm not really comfortable telling you what goes on between Stormdancer and me."

Robin seemed a bit taken aback, but nodded. "I guess that makes sense." At Leana's sigh of relief, he continued. "Look, I won't ask you anymore about it, but if you want to talk you can come to me. Or go to Gena if you think that would be easier."

Leana smiled at Robin and squeezed his hand gently. "I really appreciate it, Robin." He nodded, but looked down. "Hey," Leana said, getting his attention focused on her completely. "It's going to be fine, Robin."

He smiled and touched her face gently. "Okay. No more bugging, I promise."

"Hey, you tow, No kissing at the table!" Jewly said loudly, gathering the attention of those around them. Leana felt her face go hot and Robin dropped his hand to pester the girls sitting across from him.

_Now all I have to do is figure out how to fix myself, _Leana thought grimly. _And I can't go to Talia or Yonell because they'll only tell me to speak to Stormdancer about it. But I'd better make sure that people think I'm doing better or else the questions will start again._

& & & & &

Gena flopped back on Leana's bed and sighed. "I think I ate to much."

Leana grinned at her friend, "I told you not to have that last helping of turnips, but you wouldn't listen to me!" Gena just snorted and threw a pillow at Leana. Things were going well today and she was grateful for that fact. She hadn't felt funny once all day and, in fact, had felt more like her cheerful self than she had in a fortnight.

"Whew! I'm glad we got to the end of the week. I thought I was going to go crazy in my classes."

"You?" Leana exclaimed. "I'm the one trying to decipher account books to tell how they've been forged."

Gena rolled on her side to look at Leana. "I have to say that there are a lot of things that I don't envy about Heralds. I mean, it may be a dream of a lot of children to be chosen, but you have to give up so much freedom."

Leana sat on the rug beside the fire and looked thoughtfully at Gena. "How so?"

"Well, think about it. You get moved to the Collegium and have to take classes. And you have to learn how to fight, and learn to be prepared for killing someone in the eventuality that you may have to. Then the circle decides where you go and what you do. You always have to answer to others and your life is no longer your own. And forget about ever having a proper relationship with family. If you end up being lucky enough to have a family, it'll be with a Healer, who is always on call, a Bard who often travels around, or another Herald, that you never see…" Gena trailed off and then shrugged. "And it's all for people who will never even appreciate you."

Leana pondered for a moment all that Gena had said. "It's all worth it, Gena." At Gena's raised eyebrow, she elaborated. "Getting moved to the Collegium and taking classes isn't all that different from any of the others here. I mean, we may take some pretty different classes than you do, but then so do the Bards and Healers. And the circle won't just arbitrarily send out a Herald, you know. They have to decide what's best and what each Herald is best suited for. And I've _never _heard of a Herald being forced to go somewhere they didn't want to. And in my case, family isn't all that close right now. I mean, my mom died when I was a baby and dad died nearly two years ago. Kayle's great, but she isn't really all that close. And as for having a family…Yonell's the only family I need. She gives me strength and hope and an unconditional love that no person could ever hope to match. She _knows_ me Gena, really knows me, and she loves me anyway. She would be worth anything."

_:Thank you, dearheart. The sentiment is returned.:_

"Besides, you've got a bard lusting for you. You know he'll understand that your first duty is to Valdemar." Gena giggled, "No marriage fights for you on neglecting your duties!"

Leana felt her face go hot, "I don't know about that, Gena. I mean, Robin and I…we're just… I mean, we're not…"

Gena laughed at Leana's flustered protests. "Try telling that to someone who doesn't spend so much time with the two of you."

& & & & &

"So, Leana, tell me about your friend Gena."

Leana clamped down on the urge to roll her eyes at the Kaled'a'in. It was another in a long line of questions that seemed to be irrelevant. She had been meeting with Stormdancer three days a week for the last few weeks and still, Stormdancer was asking the same types of questions. First about Kayle, then about Robin, and then asking about her classes.

_Every time it's the same. How do you like Religions class...How do you like Math...How'd you and Robin end up getting together. Ugh! If she asks one more inane question I'm going to scream!_

Leana felt trapped. Here she was seeing someone that was supposed to help and all she felt like doing was tearing the woman's eyes out and feeding them to her. She was careful to keep those thoughts to herself, though. Yonell hadn't liked her reaction to Stormdancer and had made sure that Leana knew it, so now she told Yonell the same thing she told Robin; she just wasn't comfortable telling anyone else about these meetings, but they were beginning to help.

"I guess you could say that Gena's my best friend. I met her just after meeting Robin and she and I hit it off right away..." Leana kept driveling on about Gena, waiting for the evening bell to announce it was time for her to leave.

& & & & &

Leana paced her room, furious at the situation. _Silverfox was supposed to come and help me, _she thought bitterly. _But he doesn't even care enough to come. He had to send some woman who pretends to want to be my friend. Well, forget her. She can't help. All she wants to do is talk about my classes and my friends. It's not like that's going to help any._

Leana looked down at her clenched hands as she squeezed hard enough to bring a sharp pain. _Now look at me. I'm angrier than ever._ Leana tried to clam herself, but then started pacing again. _Well, I have every _right _ to be angry. No one seems to care that there's something wrong with me. They think that now a Hawkbrother is here, I'm going o get better, but they don't understand. Stormdancer does nothing to help, all she does is…is… is _patronize_ me!_

Leana kicked over her stool. It made her feel marginally better, but barely took the edge off. She picked up the stool and swung it against the wall with a loud bang, noticing with satisfaction that it left a dent in the paint.

_:Leana:_ Came Yonell's shocked question. Leana ignored Yonell, shutting her out tightly, not wanting to hear any more from _her _ either.

She swung the stool again, this time aiming for her bookshelf, sending several books to the floor with another loud bang. A knock on the door and someone calling Leana's name filtered on the edge of her thoughts, but she couldn't pull herself away. She wanted to break something…she wanted to hurt something…because deep in her mind, that would make _her_ pain stop.

Leana swung at the bookshelf again, trying to knock the rest of the books off. She vaguely heard the door open, but ignored everything around her. Her eyes landed on the window and she made her way towards it, intending to throw the stool against the glass. She never reached that far. Someone grabbed the stool from her hands and someone else tackled her to the ground.

In the far reaches of her mind, she recognized ? Aime and Stormdancer in her room and heard someone urgently call for a healer. Leana struggled, trying to inflict pain on those who held her down, but she was no match for the two who held her, even though she felt her fist connect with bone once.

After what seemed an endless struggle, another person came into her vision and laid a hand on her head. Leana's world faded into darkness.

& & & & &

Stormdancer looked at the young girl on the bed. She was deep in sleep, having been sedated by the Healers. They had left a concoction of drugs that were guarenteed to keep Leana so sluggish that she could not repeat her performance from that afternoon, though Stormdancer knew it would only work for a couple of days. She sighed, feeling as if she had failed this child who had been crying for help.

When Silverfox had contacted her and requested her help, she had readily agreed. Dealing with stress and grief were specialties of Stormdancer's and Silverfox wanted only the best care for a future Herald of Valdemar. But in the weeks she had been in Haven, all she had managed to do was make things worse.

She had talked with the child about her friends, about the pressures of becoming a Herald, about the uncertainty of having an unknown gift… But none of it seemed to spark any of the depressed or angry thoughts that Stormdancer had been looking for. And nothing could explain the way Leana had decided to jump from a tree. Something about what Stormdancer had been hearing made her brain tickle…as if something were on the edge of her mind, but she just couldn't place it.

And she wasn't sure where to find the answers.

_My teacher always said, if you can't find the answers from the source, it's time to look to the sources outlet._ It was time to have some serious talks with Leana's family and friends. They should understand that when a life is at stake, even the most trusted of confidences need to be broken. _And I'm afraid if someone can't help, it may very well be a case of life and death._

TBC


	6. Chapter six: Falling

This chapter has now been spell checked. Sorry for that, my spell check on Word was malfunctioning and I had to import it into another program to get the spell check working.

Author: Arianna Castellis

Raiting: T (or PG-13)

Disclaimer: I own nothing of the Misty world, she is the master

A/N: Unbeta'ed. All mistakes are mine

Notes to reviewers are at the end of this chapter.

The Knife's Edge

Chapter Six: Falling

Stormdancer's first stop was Leana's cousin Kayle. The older woman's expression at receiving a _Kaled'a'in_ was almost enough to make Stormdancer smile. But the situation was much too such easy amusements.

"How can I help you?" Kayle asked, concern for her cousin evident in her demeanor.

"What can you tell me about Leana's behavior? Was she like this from the day she came to Haven?"

"Good Havens, no!" Kayle was quick to say. "She was fine for the first few months she was here." She looked thoughtful and Stormdancer waited for her to continue her thoughts. "But her Aunt Heln did send her here because she wasn't sure what to do with Leana. She told me the child was acting strangely and could no longer deal with her."

"Tell me about it," urged Stormdancer.

"Well, I don't know a lot of the particulars, but it seemed to start right around the time that Leana's father died. Apparently she went into a deep mourning that concerned Heln a great deal."

"It's normal for a child to react strongly to a parent's death. Especially when that parent is the only one a child can remember."

Kayle nodded in agreement. "But this was apparently worse than Heln had expected. Now understand I really don't know a lot of the specifics, just what I've learned from Leana and Heln over the last year or so. But it was bad enough that Heln was seriously concerned. Leana wasn't interested in life at all. She wouldn't eat or do anything but cry and lock herself away."

It sounded much too familiar to the _Kestra'chern_ than Stormdancer would like to admit. Stories of loved ones pining themselves away after a death happened much too often. Kayle's next words pulled Stormdancer out of her thoughts.

"But, Heln was even more concerned at what happened next. IN a matter of days, Leana went from a deep mourning to a…well Heln didn't know what to call it. Leana seemed to suddenly be interested in life again. She began a bunch of different projects, trying to find her niche, I guess, and Heln was constantly tripping over things in her room. But Leana never really concentrated on one thing. Heln was concerned about Leana staying in the village, so I offered to take her here at Haven."

"What happened once she reached Haven?"

Kayle explained about Leana fitting in at the Collegium. It had been a slow start, but Leana had made some good friends. Kayle hadn't seen any of the melancholy that had concerned Heln so many months previous, but she had noticed a few times when Leana tended to get involved in things. Searching through her father's boxes had left Kayle tripping over things even in the hallway. And Kayle confessed that she believed that Leana had gone at least one night without sleep without the tiring effects. And then Stormdancer heard about the tree.

"It was after that when Leana began to show signs of the melancholy that Heln had described. It seemed a bit extreme for the situation, but I just figured she was still trying to deal with her father's death."

Kayle sighed. "I wish I could be more help, but it was shortly after that when Leana was Chosen and she moved into the Herald's wing."

The thought that had been sitting in the back of Stormdancer's mind began to take form. But before making any judgments, she needed to talk to some of Leana's friends.

"Thank you for your help," Stormdancer told her, rising from the couch. "You've helped more than you know."

& & & & &

Stormdancer spoke with Leana's closest friends and all the stories seemed to be the same.

"…Leana's great, but sometimes she can't focus on her homework…"

"…She just gets sad sometimes. I think it's because being at the Collegium reminds her of her father."

"…Some days she's really happy and other days she seems really sad."

"…sometimes she acts kind of crazy. If she's in a 'good' mood, she tends to dance and drink and just really let loose."

But it was the discussions with Robin and Gena that seemed the most telling. The tow had insisted on speaking with her together.

"We're both her closest friends," Robin had explained.

"And we want to make sure that her trust isn't compromised."

Stormdancer had agreed, knowing there wasn't much of a choice.

The story began the same, but there were differences that Gena and Robin had picked up that other had not shared.

"When Leana's in a good mood," Gena said, "She tends to forget what's important. She doesn't want to work on schoolwork."

"And," offered Robin, "She gets really snappy. A simple comment to her is often met with a biting reply." Robin thought about it. "And she has this fear that everyone around her is treating her funny."

"She also won't stop talking," admitted Gena. "It actually gets kind of hard to follow what she's saying."

"And she can't sit still. Sometimes I feel exhausted just being in the same room with her."

Stormdancer felt her suspicions take hold. If what she thought were true, the child would need a lot of help. Now she knew why Silverfox had sent for her. He must have realized from Talia's message that she would be able to help Leana much better than he would. But there was one more issue. "And what of her gift?"

Robin grimaced. "She hates it, really. She is afraid that she is affecting everyone around her. It's blocked half the time and even her Companion can't seem to get a grip on it."

Stormdancer nodded, thinking of how best to handle the situation. "Thank you both for being so honest with me."

"Did we help?" asked Gena.

"Yes, you both did. But I can't tell you much right now. You will have to find the answers from Leana when she is feeling better."

& & & & &

She heard the crackling of a fire first. The sound was far away, as if it were on a neighboring hilltop. Next, she could smell the smoke. That was one thing she hated about cities was the constant smell of oil and smoke. She much preferred wandering through the countryside where the air was clear.

She heard voices murmuring next to her bed. It sounded like Gena, but like the fire, it seemed to be coming from far away. Leana fought to open her eyes. They were gummy and felt like they had been glued together, but she finally managed to get them open. She saw Gena sitting next to her bed with Stormdancer. They swam in front other eyes as if she were looking through bubbly glass at them. She knew she should feel angry or upset that Gena was talking with the enemy, but she didn't seem to have the energy.

"Leana!" Gena exclaimed as she saw Leana wake up. "How are you feeling?" Gena leaned over the bed and grabbed Leana's hand. Leana tried to squeeze Gena's hand back, but was having trouble getting her muscles to work.

"wah…wong…me…?" Leana's tongue felt like it was too big for her mouth. It was almost too heavy to move.

Gena rubbed Leana's hand reassuringly. "Nothing 's wrong. At least not now. You've been through a lot and you just needed rest."

"…wah..appen?"

Stormdancer came over and stood behind Gena. "You had a bit of a fight with Aimee when she came in to investigate some loud noises coming from your room."

Leana had a vague flash of fighting people off. The fear must have shown in her face, because Gena quickly added. "She's fine. Everyone's fine. You just had a bit of fight in you that no one expected."

Leana closed her eyes as she felt shame wash over her. She heard Stormdancer ask Gena to leave and Gena gave Leana's hand a final squeeze. "I'm going to tell Robin that you're awake. He'll want to see you once he's done with his rehearsal."

Stormdancer sat next to the bed.

"Leana, I'm afraid I haven't been much help to you up to this point."

Leana opened her eyes and saw something she hadn't expected. Stormdancer was in pain. Leana felt her heart open a slight crack. Maybe Silverfox had abandoned her, but Stormdancer hadn't done anything but try and be helpful. _Even if it was a useless help_.

Stormdancer looked deep into Leana's eyes. "I didn't push as hard as I should have and I'm sorry. I was trying to get you to open up to me and I should have been more direct. And now we're in this mess."

Leana tried sitting up in bed, but Stormdancer held her down. "No child, you won't be able to move for a bit."

"…why…not?" Leana asked, finding the words a little easier to say.

"The Healers gave you a sedative. You were fighting off everyone who was near you. It took to Trainees, a Healer and myself to get you under control. The healers want you under sedation until we can guarantee it won't happen again."

Leana sighed, causing Stormdancer to smile. "Now, it won't be as bad as it is now. You'll feel kind of like you're walking through water and it will be more difficult for you to move around, but once the heavier sedation wears off, you'll be able to get around."

Stormdancer studied Leana for a minute. "Don't fret over anything, Leana. I think I may have some answers for you. But you'll have to trust me so that we can work through it together."

There was a light knock on the door. "I imagine that's your young man. I'll leave you to catch up in peace." Stormdancer rose. "Leana, I'm just a call away if you need me."

Leana nodded, thinking she'd never take the _kestra'chern_ up on it, but grateful all the same for the offer.

As Stormdancer left, Robin came bounding into the room.

"Hey Lena," he said. Leana smiled up at him. "Gena said you weren't really feeling up to talking, but I thought maybe you'd like to hear some music?" he lifted his gittern with a grin. Leana shook her head.

"…no…music…please."

Robin nodded, slightly crestfallen. "I guess I can just keep you company," he offered. "Unless you want me to go?"

Leana shook her head slowly. "…stay…"

Robin sat on the edge of the bed. "How 'bout I read you a book?"

"…sounds…good…"

Robin picked up the book on Leana's nightstand. It was a tale of high adventure and one that he was surprised Leana was reading. He leaned against the headboard, stretching his legs along the bed. Leana snuggled close, putting her head into Robin's lap and let herself drift off to sleep.

& & & & &

Leana glared at Stormdancer as she paced around the room. "Leana, you _must_ talk to me at some point."

"About what?" demanded Leana. The worst of the sedation had worn off, leaving Leana feeling as if she couldn't move properly, but her temper was still simmering under the surface. Not that she could _do_ anything about it. The only good part of the sedation was the fact that she couldn't go to weapons practice until it was over. "You never ask me anything that's important. It's always random things about my friends and family."

"I'm trying to find out what's upsetting you, Leana. But if you won't talk to me, I can't help."

"What's bothering me?" Leana asked. "I'll tell you what's bothering me. I'm stuck in a city that I don't know with a gift that is going out of control. The people here seem to either be afraid of me or won't leave me alone. I'm under sedation and I can't seem to get agry when I want to. For some reason I go from wanting to climb trees and dance all night to hating myself enough to want to die. I can't stop talking when I get upset and I _hate_ the fact that Silverfox sent you here instead of coming to help me."

Stormdancer stopped her pacing and looked at Leana. "Is that why you won't talk to me? You think Silverfox didn't want to come and sent me as a substitute?"

Leana looked at the ground cursing her inability to keep her mouth shut. Stormdancer came to sit by Leana. "Leana, it is very true that Silverfox received your message and forwarded it on to me. But it's not for the reason you think." She kneeled on the floor in front of Leana and caught her eye. "You see, Silverfox had a feeling that I would be able to help you more than he could. I've dealt with some emotionally injured people before. People who were injured in a way that others can't seem to comprehend."

Leana digested this for a moment. "You mean, Silverfox wanted to help me?"

"Yes, of course he did. He pleaded with me to make the time to come here and help. He said he would consider it a personal favor if I would take a look at the situation and do what I could for you."

"I'm sorry," Leana said. "I didn't know."

Stormdancer shook her head. "No apologizes necessary, Leana. I should have known something about me was upsetting you. Now, about this mess we seem to find ourselves in. What do you say we work together on it? See if there's a solution."

"Can you help me?' whispered Leana, afraid of the answer.

Stormdancer gave a small smile. "I can now that you've asked me for help. That's always the first step."

TBC

NOTES TO REVIEWERS:

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed. I love the feedback. In general, yes we'll find out what's wrong with Leana and we'll find information on her gift. I don't think it will end up being AU. And guesses as to what's wrong with Leana are welcome.

Serami Nefera – We will find out what's wrong with Leana. Promise. And any guesses are welcome!

Shadowwolf Ackers – I chose to have a _kestra'chern_ instead of a Healing Adept because I was under the impression that Healing Adepts dealt more with healing the land and _kestra'chern_s dealt more with healing the heart and soul. Maybe my interpretation is different…

Silver Magiccraft – Thanks for the info on the word okay. I use it a lot and now I know how to spell it ;)


	7. Chapter 7: A Way Out

Title: The Knife's Edge

Author: Arianna Castellis

Rating: T (or PG-13)

Disclaimer: I own nothing in the Misty world. She is the master.

A/N: As usual, not beta'ed. I'm still trying to find someone, so if you're interested, please let me know! Notes to reviewers at end of chapter.

The Knife's Edge

Chapter Seven: A Way Out

Leana went to dinner feeling somewhat nervous. Stormdancer had given her the last of her sedative the previous morning, stating that Leana should get it out of her system as soon as possible. She hadn't been to dinner in the hall since her violent episode. She had made her apologies to Aimee, who had assured her that there were no hard feelings; after all, Leana hadn't known it was Aimee she was struggling against. But she wasn't really sure how a lot of the others would be treating her.

She sat next to Robin as she came in, noticing how the conversation between Greggie and Kurtis came to a sudden halt as she sat down. Before Leana could make any inquiries, Gena came flying over to the table.

"Hey, everyone. Lena! I'm glad you're up to eating with us again."

Leana smiled at her friend. Gena was always so full of energy that she made Leana feel happy just being around her. "Thanks. It's been an interesting couple of days."

"Lucky you," said Travys. "You've been missing weapon's practice for almost a week. It must be nice not to be pounded on on a regular basis."

"It was nice not getting beaten at weapon's practice this week," admitted Leana. "But I'm sure to get pounded hard again when I go back. Probably more so since I've had a little vacation."

Robin chuckled, "I guess that will teach you to stay away from you studies."

Leana felt anger rising in her, but remembered Stormdancer's warning from earlier. _Until we get everything under control for you, you will probably feel angry and irritable towards people. You need to try and relax when that happens and try not to speak before counting to ten._ Leana took a deep breath and began to count. The conversation picked up around her about the latest escapades that her friends had been up to. As the conversation drifted, she leaned close to Robin.

"You know I didn't miss classes on purpose," she said quietly so that no one else could hear. "It's not like I'm skipping lessons in order to have fun."

"I know that, Lena," Robin replied. "I didn't mean to imply that you were. I'm just trying to show you that it's not that serious by joking with you. I'm sorry if that upset you."

Leana felt stupid for overreacting again. "It's okay, Robin, I'm just kind of worried about how people are going to see me now."

"It's fine, Lena. Your friends are going to be with you no matter what." Robin reached under the table to take her hand in his. "Why don't you and I take a walk after you speak with Stormdancer tonight? It'll be a little cold, but it would get us both out of the building for a while. Away from everything and everyone. We haven't done anything like that recently."

Leana felt herself smile. "That would be nice," she said squeezing his hand.

"Hey!" protested Gena. "No secrets at the table." She poked Leana playfully, causing Leana to giggle. The presence of her two best friends cheered Leana's heart. Maybe things wouldn't be too hard if she really worked at it.

& & & & &

The first couple of meetings she had with Stormdancer after her 'episode' had not been long or very informative. Stormdancer had only assured Leana that things were not as bad as they seemed, that there was a way to help her and that Leana would need to try and take notice of her anger before it got out of control.

"_It's the anger that is most dangerous right now." Stormdancer told her. "The rest can wait until we get the sedative out of your system and you're thinking clearly again. What I need for you to do is become conscious of it and not let it rule you."_

"_But how can I know? Doesn't everyone get angry?"_

"_Yes, but for you anger can have a more severe effect. When we can talk, we will work on making it easier for you to recognize, but for now, just try not to let it control you."_

But now, the sedative was out of her system and Leana was somewhat impatient to find out how Stormdancer could help. Leana knocked quietly on Stormdancer's door.

"Come in," she heard the _kestra'chern_ say. Leana pushed the door open to reveal Stormdancer pouring over what looked to be a journal.

"Leana," Stormdancer smiled gently. "Pull up a seat."

Leana pulled a chair close to the fire as Stormdancer put the book away.

"Now, Leana, how are you feeling now?"

"Well, I think the sedative has finally worn off. I don't feel quite so…sluggish now."

"Excellent. In that case, lets talk about a few things." At Leana's nod, she continued. "While you were unconscious, I spoke to your family and friends."

Leana gave a slight start, but then thought for a moment. "I guess you would have needed to. I wasn't being very informative while we were speaking before."

"It was no fault of your own, Leana. I didn't understand why you weren't talking to me and I didn't push you in the right direction. But that's all in the past now, Leana."

"All right. So now what?"

"I understand from your friends that your behavior has been a bit erratic these last few months. I'd like you to ell me what you can about how you've been feeling."

Leana gave a sardonic laugh. "Miserable." Stormdancer's lips quirked and Leana felt herself relax even more. "I'm not sure exactly what you want to know about. There are times when I seem, well, normal I guess. But then there are times when I hate myself and what I've done. I've missed a lot of classes this year and fallen behind. I seem to get angry with my friends because they don't get why I hate having so many people around me. And how am I supposed to be a Herald anyway when I don't like being around people?"

"Not wanting to be in large groups is not a sign that you don't like people, Leana. And Heralds have all kinds of duties, yes? You would not necessarily need to be around a lot of people all the time." Stormdancer watched Leana for a few minutes. "But it is more than that, yes?"

Leana nodded reluctantly, staring into the fire hoping that some sort of answer could come out of the smoke. "It's confusing, though. There are times when I get…restless I guess. My skin crawls with the need to move, even if it's just my legs bouncing up and down or tapping my pencil. And I feel as if I'm walking through water."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it feels like I'm almost watching myself from outside my body. Moving around is almost surreal. I can see myself snapping at people, but have no control over it. And sometimes I feel as if I could do anything, but I can't really concentrate on one thing for very long. It's almost like I need to get out of my skin and fly in the wind in order to feel normal again."

"I see," offered Stormdancer, but said nothing else.

Stormdancer was quiet for a few moments while Leana reflected on what she had shared. The silence stretched on longer than Leana liked and she finally whispered, "Does this mean I'm crazy?"

"No, Leana," assured Stormdancer. "Being thought crazy is often the result of someone not being understood by those around them." Stormdancer leaned forward in her chair as if about to include Leana in on a great secret. "I have heard of others who have suffered from similar complaints."

Leana felt hope rising in her at Stormdancer's admission. "Really?"

Stormdancer nodded and picked up the book she had been reading when Leana came in. "My teacher once told me of someone she had helped. This person went through periods that Icewind categorized as frenzy. These were often accompanied by periods of desolation."

"That's it exactly!" exclaimed Leana, feeling a little less alone now that she heard someone else had felt so strange.

"There have been other cases recorded in the past by _Kestra'cherns_ of people with similar symptoms. Not all of them are alike and it was Icewind's belief that many more people suffer from milder versions of this than realized, but that the lesser effects are easily explained away."

Leana pondered this new information for a while. "So, I must have a more severe form of this….whatever it is. That's why it's so obvious that something is wrong."

"Yes," agreed Stormdancer. "And I also believe that since your unknown gift is somehow tied to emotions, that your emotional state may be what is causing your gift to be blocked."

"So what do we do?"

"We treat the emotional state. If we can find a way to fix that, then we can find a way to successfully unblock your gift."

"So how do we do it?" Leana asked. "Did Icewind tell you how to fix this…frenzied desolation?"

"It has some suggestions," admitted Stormdancer. "But, not everyone reacts to treatment the same way. So, we're going to start off small and see what happens." Stormdancer rose from the chair and went to the small table by the bed. She picked up several packets and handed them to Leana. "This is a tea the healers often use to help people who have fallen into a deep depression. You should take this every morning when you get up."

"For how long?"

"Let's save that until we know how it works for you." Stormdancer next picked handed Leana a beautiful book. Inside were blank pages, but the outside had been hand painted to show a winter scene. "I want you to use this book to write down how you feel. Even if you feel completely normal, I want you to write it down. I also want you to write down if you feel like people are crowding you too much. Anything and everything at all."

Leana wasn't sure she wanted Stormdancer to read all the thoughts and feelings that she might go through in a day. Even if it would help, she still felt as if her privacy was important. She didn't know if she could put any of her thoughts about Robin in the book. There were even some things she was careful to keep from her Companion. "Are you going to read this?"

"No, Leana," Stormdancer soothed. "This is for you. I will be asking some questions about what's inside, but I will do my best not to make you uncomfortable by asking for information you are unwilling to share."

Leana clutched the book tightly to her as she stood up. "Thank you."

"You are very welcome," Stormdancer said with a smile.

Leana left Stormdancer's room to head to her own. She felt both elated and nervous about what was going on.

_:So do you feel better, now:_ Yonell asked.

_:I do, yes.:_ answered Leana. _:Do you really think drinking tea will help:_

_:Well, I don't see how it can hurt.:_ Yonell pointed out. _:And writing in that journal should be some help, too.:_

_:I guess…:_

_:Don't go feeling down, Leana. After all you now know that you are not the first person to have felt like this.:_ Yonell pointed out.

_:You're right:_ admitted Leana. _:I shouldn't be jinxing this before I even start it.:_

_:And besides: _teased Yonell. _:You have Robin to think about now.:_

Leana felt her face grow warm as she tried not to blush. Yonell seemed to always enjoy teasing her about Robin, but she got the sense that Yonell approved of Robin completely. She even seemed to encourage them, which was good because Leana didn't know what she would do if Yonell didn't want her to see Robin.

Leana pulled herself out of her musings and hurriedly put the tea on her bookcase and the journal on her nightstand. Grabbing her winter cloak, she ran out the door, heading out to meet Robin.

& & & & &

It was chilly out. The autumn weather was truly gone and winter was starting to settle its icy teeth into the land around them. But Leana wouldn't give up the time spent in relative privacy with Robin for anything. Time between them had been scarce lately and often strained. It was if a dark angry cloud had been hanging over both of them and Leana had no way to keep the rain off.

"Copper for your thoughts," Robin said as they walked close together in the gardens.

Leana smiled, "I guess I'm just thinking that we haven't really had much time to just relax around each other."

Robin reached for Leana's hand, interlacing their fingers. "I know things have been kind of rough lately. And it doesn't help that I've been rehearsing more often with the small groups. But the big midwinter recital is coming up, and—"

"It's fine, Robin," Leana hastily assured him. "I'm not upset and I'm certainly not blaming you. You need to concentrate on your music; I understand that. You're good at what you do and I wouldn't want to get in the way of it. It's just…"

"It's been a while."

"Yeah."

Robin led Leana over to a bench where they could sit and watch the approaching twilight descend around them. Robin reached up and gently pushed Leana's hair behind her ear. Leana turned startled eyes to Robin, beginning to melt into his green gaze.

"You really are beautiful," he breathed as he leaned in closely and let his mouth cover hers.

Leana let her fingers run through Robin's hair as she gave herself to the sensation. It had been a long time since she felt this peaceful and she was going to enjoy it. As Robin deepened the kiss, she felt her toes begin to tingle and thought left her mind as she allowed herself this glow of warmth amidst the chilly darkening world around her.

TBC

A/N: I know, cheesy ending, but I felt that Leana deserved some fluff after everything she's been through. And sorry for the delay, I had some trouble with this chapter and wanted to make sure I was happy with it before posting.

Seam – Thank you for your compliment. And for pointing out the spelling problems I had in Chapter 6. I hadn't re-read it once I put it through spell check (how embarrassing ;) and my spell check apparently decided to go on vacation. I was able to fix it after your comment.

Queen of the Jungle- I'm glad you're enjoying this story. And you have very good guesses about what is wrong with Leana.

Faeborn2930- Wow. You certainly make it easier to keep writing this story! I like keeping my readers happy.


	8. Chapter 8: To Be Alone

Title: The Knife's Edge

Author: AriannaCastellis1

Rating: T (or PG-13)

Disclaimer: Sadly I own nothing in the world of Valedamr. It all belongs to Mercedes Lackey.

A/N: Thank you for all of your reviews. It's nice to know that people are enjoying my story.

A **very** special thanks to the people who helped me beta this story. Seam and RainbowAlchemist. Thank you so much for your help and patience. Any left over mistakes are solely the responsibility of the author.

**The Knife's Edge**

**Chapter Eight: To Be Alone**

Leana looked at the packets of tea lining the top of her bookcase. She wasn't sure what to expect. Medicine, in her experience, had always tasted bad. Leana suspected that it was something the Healers did on purpose to make people get better faster. No one wanted to drink horrid tea day after day. She picked up one of the packets and sniffed cautiously. A dark earthy aroma filled her nose, but Leana couldn't tell if that meant the tea would be pleasant or not. Maybe she should go find some honey in case the tea needed to be sweetened.

_:Stop stalling, Leana. It can't be _that_ bad.:_ Yonell admonished her.

Leana made a face. _:You're not the one who has to drink it.:_ she retorted. _:What if it's too bitter? What if I can't stand the tea and I have to take it every day anyway? What if it doesn't work:_

_:Well, if it doesn't work, then you don't have to worry about it being too bitter now do you:_ Yonell answered. _:But really, I can't imagine the tea being that bad. The Healers would know that a bitter, bad tasting tea would not encourage people who are depressed to drink it.:_

_:That's a good point:_ Leana acknowledged. _:I guess I have stalled for long enough.:_ Leana quickly brewed the content of the packet into her mug and drank it down. It wasn't nearly as bad as she had feared. Leana wasn't sure she actually _liked_ the tea all that much, but she didn't mind it, and that was the best she could ask for.

Throughout the day, Leana tried to detect a change, but didn't feel any. But then, nothing really happened overnight, no matter how anxious you were, so maybe the tea would take a few days to really start helping. She had just hoped, somehow, to feel better before meeting with Talia this afternoon. Talia was determined to start tracking down information on her gift, saying that she believed there would be evidence of her gift in action that would lead them to understanding and controlling it. It was a session that Leana looked forward to with both hope and trepidation.

"Hello, Leana." Talia greeted Leana warmly, trying to put Leana at ease. Leana knew the Herald could tell she was nervous about the meeting as Talia continued, "How are you feeling today?"

"The tea doesn't seem to be doing anything," Leana said. "Am I supposed to feel different?"

"I wouldn't expect it yet, Leana," Talia soothed. "And if you think about it, it would be very strange if you did feel different immediately. Think about a broken bone. It can be identified and set, then put into a cast. But it takes time for it to completely heal. But once the cast is off, you can be as good as new."

Leana didn't know what to say, and tried to feel comforted.

"And while you're waiting for the medicine to help you feel better, you and I can concentrate on getting this gift of yours under control. That should make you feel even better than the tea."

"How are we supposed to find out how to control it when we can't even tell what it is?"

"The first thing I want us to talk about is anything you've noticed that seemed unusual, especially if you've noticed any of your friends acting oddly around you."

Leana shrugged. "I'm not sure what you're looking for, but there was a time, a couple of months back, when I started to really feel uncomfortable around people. I went from having a couple of close friends and a small group of people that were hanging out at the Rose to suddenly being really popular." Talia waited for Leana to continue.

"I guess it wasn't really me being popular, it was more like everyone was trying to be around me. I started to feel like everyone was watching me and wanting to talk to me in the halls – even people I barely knew." Leana felt herself becoming defensive, realizing that her arguments to Talia were similar to the arguments she'd been having with Robin for the last few months.

But Talia didn't seem to dismiss her feelings the way that Robin had. In fact, Talia looked thoughtful. "These people just suddenly wanted to be friends with you? Or were they trying to get something from you?"

"It wasn't like they really wanted something. And it wasn't really like they wanted to be friends exactly. They were just there…everywhere…like they were coming out of every crevice on the grounds just to find me." Leana paused, not sure she was describing the situation properly, "I'm not sure how else to put it except to say that everyone was suddenly demanding my attention."

"Focused on you, perhaps? As if they were drawn to you and they might not know why?"

"Yes! That's it exactly. It was so hard to deal with all those people there and my friends couldn't understand why it was upsetting me so much."

"I imagine being the center of attention can be a bit unsettling, especially if you don't know why."

"I don't really like being the center of attention, anyway. My dad was always the center of attention and I usually stayed in the background." Leana sighed, "And now it looks like I have a gift that is going to put me in the center of things."

"Well, let's see what we can do about that," Talia responded. "The first thing I'd like to try is focusing your gift as if it were empathy."

Leana mentally squared here shoulders and concentrated on what Herald Talia was telling her.

& & & & &

Leana sat down at dinner, glad to have a respite from gift training. Using a gift was hard work, even when you weren't sure exactly what you were doing. Gena passed a plate to her without having to be asked. "Long day?" she asked her friend.

"Very," replied Leana. "But it wasn't too bad, really. I just feel weary."

"How'd it go with Talia?"

"Okay, I guess," Leana replied, feeling more hopeful than she had expected. "We didn't really make any progress on my gift, but Talia seems to think that _not_ making progress is almost as good as making progress. Does that make sense to you?"

"Actually, it makes perfect sense. You started out the day with infinite possible outcomes and now you have fewer possibilities to take into account."

Jewly piped up, "But if you start out with an infinite number of possibilities, you cannot be closer than infinity. That's the nature of infinity. Therefore you will always have an infinite number of possibilities."

"Not necessarily true in this case," countered Sera. "After all, in this particular case, the answer can be found at random. Therefore whether you have an infinite number of possibilities or a finite number, you will still find the answer in the same amount of time."

Leana felt her brain begin to twist, as the conversation seemed to delve into forces completely unknown to her.

"That can't be right," argued Jewly. "Because if you had 20 possibilities, the outcome would come much more quickly than if you had 500."

"But what if you guessed the correct thing on the 2nd try? Then it would not matter how large your beginning number was."

Gena started to laugh, "Guys. I don't think this situation is the same as picking a random number. It's more about methodically marking the most likely and well-known numbers in order to discount them. That way, wrong numbers can be systematically removed from the equation."

"I'm sorry," Leana broke in. "But, what has this got to do with finding out what my gift is? It's not a number it's a…a thing. And it's not like someone can look up the answer either, so even if we do find it, we might not _know_ we found it. All this talk about numbers and infinity is just too confusing."

Adame just shook his head. "Don't try to understand it, Leana. Every discussion this week has turned into a debate on the properties of infinity. The rest of us just try to tune them out."

Leana let herself smile. "Well, as long as I'm not the only one that gets lost."

Robin shook his head, "No, you're definitely not the only one that gets lost."

Feeling a little better about everything, Leana let herself get lost in her friends rambling, wondering how anyone could understand a conversation that seemed to center around things that weren't tangible.

& & & & &

Leana was supposed to be studying. There was so much she needed to learn and since her afternoons were now filled with gift training, she no longer had the chance to study or do homework with Robin. That meant a lot of her work had to be done after dinner was over and she didn't really have any time to waste.

Still, her eyes kept drifting from the book she was reading to the journal that Stormdancer had given her.

Leana picked up the book Stormdancer had given her. It was beautiful and Leana liked the feel of it in her hands. She knew the book's pages needed to be filled with thoughts and feelings, but didn't know the first thing about how to put them down to paper. She wondered briefly if this was what her father had felt when he sat down with his staff paper, knowing the lines must be filled, having a melody deep inside him, but being unsure how to make the music inside his head come to life on a page.

Step one, open to a new page. Step two, get quill ready. Step three, begin to write…

_Journal Entry One_

_I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to write in here. Stormdancer told me that writing in a journal might help and Yonell's view is that it certainly can't hurt – so why not? I just don't know what to put in here. Stormdancer said to write what I'm feeling. So what am I feeling? Confused…Frustrated…Frightened…Angry…Lonely…_

_Lonely? Now I don't know why I feel lonely. After all, Kayle loves me. She was not only willing to let me come and stay with her here in Haven when Aunt Heln gave up on me, but she has tried to make the transition as easy as possible. She hasn't once shown any sign of being upset with me or regretting the decision to let me come to Haven._

_And I have friends. I found a best friend in Gena…something that I've never had before. Dad moved around so much I didn't have a chance to make long-time friends. Not that I felt lonely then, because I learned how to be friends with many people in many places from my father. And I didn't really know what it was like to have a best friend. Now, I'm not sure what I would do if I lost her friendship. I'm lucky I didn't lose her for good after that fight we had._

Leana put her journal down, not sure what else to write. It seemed as silly as her beginning talks about Gena had seemed, but she had promised to actually try and get help. She actually _wanted_ Stormdancer's help now and she would do whatever was necessary to get it – even writing in a journal.

& & & & &

"So, Leana, how have you liked the tea?" Stormdancer asked her as Leana settled herself in Stormdancer's room.

"Well, I was afraid that I wouldn't like it, but it's not too bad."

"That's good, Leana. We want to make sure that there isn't any reason for you not to take it. Has it caused any problems for you?"

"Nothing that I can tell, but Stormdancer...I'm not sure it's doing what it's supposed to be doing."

"What do you mean?"

"It's not changing anything. I mean, shouldn't I feel a difference?"

"It's only been a couple of days, Leana. You have to give it time to work. And it won't be an instant change either. It's quite possible that when you start to feel different you won't even notice it."

"Then how am I supposed to tell when it's working?"

"Because you will feel better over a longer period of time, dear. You may take stock of how you are feeling overall one day and realize that things are so much better than they had been before. Your friends will notice a change in you probably before you do. And partly, you'll notice that what you write in your journal will change over time as well."

"Oh," Leana said, dejectedly. She wasn't really surprised by the answer that Stormdancer had given her, but she still felt as if somehow things were never going to get any better.

"Now, do you want to tell me what you've written in your journal so far?" Stormdancer asked her, pulling Leana from thoughts best left alone.

"I thought that was supposed to be private," Leana said, feeling a sudden panic. "I didn't think I'd be sharing that information with anyone."

"You don't have to," Stormdancer quickly assured Leana. "I was just asking if there was anything you wanted to share. Any questions or thoughts that you want to talk about that may have been brought to the surface when you were writing."

"Well, I haven't really written all that much." Leana slowly admitted. "I wasn't sure what to write about, so I just kind of jotted down whatever came to mind."

"That's all right, that's what you should do. Sometimes just writing what comes to mind can help focus your thoughts."

"I did seem to end up writing about feeling lonely even though I think it's silly to feel that way."

"Why do you think it's silly?"

"Well, since coming to Haven, I've gotten a best friend. Shouldn't having Gena keep me from feeling lonely?"

Stormdancer smiled, "Having Gena in your life doesn't mean you shouldn't feel lonely. But she is there for you when you need her."

"She's great."

"Have you ever fought with Gena?"

"No, not really," Leana answered, then she thought better of it, "Well, there was this one time that I apparently made her mad enough to jump in the river."

"Really?" Stormdancer asked. "Why don't you tell me about it."

Leana began her story, starting with the fact that she had been getting behind in classes. She related the argument she'd had with Gena, that looking back, seemed really silly and selfish on her part. And then she told of the visit from Adame, who had been livid when Gena had thrown herself into the river when she didn't even know how to swim.

"And Gena just went to the river after talking with you. Is that something that usually happens when you talk with Gena? Does she always do what you suggest?"

"No, not really. It's the only time."

"Leana, have any of your other friends done anything that you've suggested that's out of character?"

Leana thought hard. "I can't think of any time that it's happened. Why? Is it important?"

"I don't know. But it seems to me like it may be something that is tied into your gift. Perhaps you should tell Herald Talia about the incident. And, if you're comfortable with it, ask Gena or your other friends if there's ever been anything else like that that's happened around you."

Leana felt a bit perplexed, but agreed to talk to Talia and Gena the following day.

"And Leana," Stormdancer added as Leana was leaving. "Go ahead and try writing more about feeling lonely. Maybe you can figure out why you do."

& & & & &

_Journal Entry Two_

_I wrote last time about how I felt lonely, and Stormdancer figures I should continue writing about that. I had mentioned that I shouldn't feel lonely because I have a best friend in Gena, but the truth is, there's more to it then that. There are all the friends I have that eat meals with us and hang out with us. We all seem to get along well and even during my more…creative…moments, they seem to like me well enough._

_And the other Herald trainees are all really nice, though I suspect no one has ever met a mean Herald. There have only been a few times they've seemed odd around me and that's usually when I seem to scare them._

_And then there's Robin. He pulled me out of the isolated shell I had put myself in when I arrived at Haven. He persisted until I caved in and met his friends, one of whom was Gena. And he's something special. He's cute and nice and a talented musician. He's the type of person that my father would have really liked. And no matter what I do, Robin seems ready to forgive me and to help me in whatever way he can._

& & & & &

"…which brings us to finding the area of a circle."

Leana watched Master Byron draw a circle on the board, feeling frustrated. She doubted she would ever need to find the area of a circle. What would she ever use the knowledge for? _Perhaps, there will be a dispute on the border over the actual size of a corral._ Leana amused herself with the thought of demonstrating to the people exactly how one went about finding the area of the corral.

As Leana imagined the townsfolk being amazed at her superior skill in mathematics, she began to think of some of her Heraldic classes. _I hope I'm not keeping people behind,_ she thought frantically. _Maybe I should work more on that accounting book they brought in last week. I was having a bit of trouble following how to find the fake numbers and how to tell the real ones._

Leana shook herself slightly, knowing there was little she could do about the other class while she was listening to Master Byron. Right, she was supposed to be paying attention.

_I'll take a look at the accounting book just before dinner. I should be able to fit that in without too much trouble._ Leana drew her attention back to Master Byron, who was now writing some sort of calculation on the board.

_Oh wait!_ She thought, her attention wandering back to her other classes. _I can't do the records book before dinner. I'm supposed to stay after weapons training to work on a few things I've fallen behind on when I couldn't go to the classes._ That was her main problem, really. She had missed a lot of time. And now she had to figure out how to fit everything into her day. _Well, I can look at the accounting book after dinner. Stormdancer won't mind if I skip writing in the journal a little bit since I'm trying to get caught up on everything else. Besides, I don't have to share anything with her. She said it was for me, so she wouldn't even know. _

_Besides, she'll want to know what Talia thinks about Gena and the river. _Leana's thoughts ran slightly cold. _What if I did influence Gena to jump in the river? What if she had been hurt? What if I hurt someone else? _ Leana felt one of her classmates look in her direction out of the corner of her eye. Leana looked down and noticed her right leg was bouncing up and down rapidly. When had she started doing that? Leana forced her leg to stop moving, but didn't like the crawling sensation that resulted.

She took a steadying breath, looking back to Master Byron. _Math,_ she reminded herself. _I'm supposed to be concentrating on the math._

& & & & &

Gena was just settling into her latest book when there was a knock at the door. She answered it, surprised to see Leana on the other side of the door, looking a little nervous.

"Lena!" Gena said, glad to see her friend. "I didn't know you had some free time this afternoon. Come on in."

Leana seemed to hesitate. "Gena, I need to ask a favor of you."

"Anything for you, Lena. You should know that by now."

"Well, I've been working with Talia on figuring out my gift and…well, would you come and talk with her?"

Gena put the book on the table and grabbed her cloak, feeling rather confused and intrigued. "Sure, I'm happy to help. But what does any of this have to do with me?"

Leana waited until Gena had closed her door behind her to begin the explanation. "Do you remember the day you went and jumped in the river?"

Gena laughed ruefully, "Boy, do I ever! I'm not sure who was more surprised, me or Adame." Gena smiled at the memory, able to fully laugh at the situation now. "Did you know that Adame insisted on giving me swimming lessons after that?"

"I'm so sorry, Gena. I don't know what to say."

Gena shook her head. "It wasn't your fault I was so stupid, Lena. And besides, Adame and I ended up having a lot of fun with the swimming lessons, especially when we managed to find places alone." Gena watched as Leana's face began to turn pink. "Hey, maybe you should do something like that with Robin." She teased lightly, delighted that her friend was still shy enough to blush outright at Gena's humor.

Leana's only response was shaking her head. Gena knew something about the incident was really bothering her friend, but before she could ask what it was, they had arrived at the empty classroom Talia and Leana used to work on her gift.

Gena was a person who never let her nervousness show. She prided herself on not really caring what other people thought of her and being able to make a lot of friends. But all the confidence in the world couldn't stop Gena from feeling nervous around the Queen's Own. There was something about her presence that just exuded authority. And how could you hide any information from someone that could pick up on your emotions without even really trying?

"Gena, I'm so glad that you could come and help us," Talia said in way of greeting.

"Sure," Gena replied. "But I'm a little confused about what you need me for."

Talia indicated Gena take a seat and she did, watching Leana stand a little farther away from where Talia sat next to Gena.

"Gena, Leana has told me about the day that you jumped into the river."

Gena looked over at Leana, who had begun twisting her hands behind her back. "Yeah," she answered Herald Talia. "It was a stupid thing to do."

"Can you tell me about it?" Talia pressed. "And not just the jumping in, but what lead up to it."

"Well, it was a while ago," Gena admitted, not wanting to get her friend into any trouble. "Let's see…I was visiting Lena at her cousin's house in town. I know that we got into a fight about something, although I can't really be sure of the particulars."

Leana cut in, "You were basically tired of me feeling so sorry for myself."

Gena winced, hearing the way Leana sounded so frustrated (although frustrated with herself or with Gena, she wasn't quite certain). "Yeah, I guess that was it. I remember we were yelling at each other. I think I said something along the lines of Lena needing to get over the self-pity routine. Then Lena said something about if I didn't want to be around her anymore, I should go dunk myself or something."

Gena looked over at Leana as she began to pace. Talia's attention however, was on Gena. "What happened after you left?"

Gena kind of shrugged. "I was feeling a bit numb – as if I had done something wrong or was about to do something wrong." Gena fumbled for the words. "I'd never had a fight with a best friend before and didn't really know how to feel."

"Did you come right back to the palace grounds?" Talia prompted.

"I think so. I don't remember going anywhere else and there wasn't really anywhere else for me to go at the time. I remember walking over by the river, taking a shortcut back to the rooms when I saw the river." Gena paused, not liking what she remembered about the cold water closing over her.

"What happened when you saw the river?" Talia asked.

"I just suddenly felt as if I _had_ to jump in. It seemed like the only thing I could do at the time." Gena looked over at Leana, who was now pacing more quickly at the end of the room.

"Have you ever jumped in the river before?" Talia asked.

"Havens no!" Gena exclaimed. "I couldn't even swim at the time."

"Do you know of any reason why you may have wanted to jump in at that particular time?" Talia pressed.

Gena didn't really like where this conversation was going. "Jumping in the river was a bit out of character for me," Gena admitted reluctantly. "But, it's not the first time I've done something so…Leana! Could you stop pacing, please? You're making me nervous."

Leana looked over at her friend and stopped, looking a bit sheepish. "Sorry, I'll try and sit still for a few minutes."

Gena let the comment slide as she focused back on Talia. "Look, I do weird things all the time. That day was just a little more weird than usual."

Talia nodded. "Perhaps, but I think the fact that Leana urged you to 'dunk yourself' may have also influenced your decision."

Gena looked at Leana, who was sitting across from them, looking somewhat apprehensive. "No, it couldn't be."

"Gena, please understand that I'm not suggesting that Leana may have done this on purpose. Remember she has no way of controlling her gift as of yet. But people with influential gifts can be dangerous if only by accident. We need to find out if Leana has been able to influence the actions of people around her."

"I don't think I've ever noticed something like that around Lena," Gena said, not wanting to believe that Leana could have any kind of power over people.

"Well, think hard, Gena. Has there been any other time you can think of that your friends have acted out of character? Especially if they've been around Leana or just left her presence?"

Gena began to shake her head no, but caught herself. "There was one odd thing that happened one night at dinner," she offered tentatively. She looked over at Leana, who seemed more resigned than upset. "We have these two friends, Sera and Jewly. They're always talking non-stop. Sometimes it seems as if they're completing each other's sentences. But, there was one night when they both were completely silent at dinner."

"Completely?" Talia asked. "Not even a little?"

"Not a peep," confirmed Gena. "They didn't even ask for plates to be passed. It was the strangest thing I'd seen from them."

Talia looked over at Leana, who seemed almost stricken. "Do you remember this?"

Leana nodded. "Yeah, I do. I met them both outside in the hallway before dinner. I told them I was tired of their talking and I didn't want to hear another word from either of them."

Gena felt her stomach drop at the implication that Leana could control someone's actions. What kind of things could she do? Could she end up hurting someone without even meaning to? Gena was sure that Leana wouldn't hurt anyone intentionally, but Leana wasn't exactly under complete control these days. What would happen if Leana lost her temper at someone and said something stupid. The thought was enough to strike fear into Gena's heart. _And If I'm feeling scared, what must Leana be feeling?_

& & & & &

Leana was pacing her room after dinner. When had pacing become such a habit for her?

_:Leana, don't feel too upset, dearheart.:_ When Leana didn't respond, Yonell continued. _:I know that it's upsetting, but think about this. Talia is going to help you figure out a way to control your gift. It won't seem so scary once it's under control.:_

"I know you're right, but that doesn't help me feel less scared," Leana admitted. "I just wish I could make it go away."

_:I know you do. But maybe that would be a bad thing.:_

Leana stopped and kicked the wall. :_Oh please don't go on a lecture about how this could be a blessing in disguise._: How many times had she heard something along those lines in her life?

_:Not a blessing: _Yonell replied, sounding very serious. _:It may just be the answer to a prayer.:_

_:What? What do you mean? What prayer are you talking about:_

_:I mean one that hasn't been prayed yet.: _ Leana could feel a certain calmness and assurance from Yonell that was unfamiliar. _:Gifts tend to show up when Valdemar needs them. Perhaps this gift of yours may be needed sometime in the near future and it has been given to you so we will have it when it's needed.:_

Leana sat on her bed, subdued by the thought. The possibility had never occurred to her. Although there as some comfort in knowing that her gift may be a useful thing one day, Leana hoped that Valdemar would never find the need to use it.

"It still scares me," she admitted quietly to Yonell.

_:I know that, too. But getting control of it will make it less frightening. And maybe you can write about it in your journal. Sometimes putting things to paper makes them less scary.:_

Leana thanked her Companion and grabbed the journal, knowing that Yonell would respect her complete privacy and allow her to write alone.

_Journal Entry Three_

_Yonell has suggested that I should write about the feelings I have regarding my gift or what we think my gift may entail. But I don't really feel like putting those thoughts to paper yet. So I will continue with Stormdancer's suggestion from before. _

_I've been feeling lonely, but here is an excellent example of why I shouldn't – Yonell, my Companion. I never dreamed, in my wildest dreams, that I would become a Herald and have a Companion. I've known a lot about Heralds from my dad. He knew a lot about them, having spent so many years in Haven. But having someone like Yonell should be enough to fill any lonely spots I have inside of me._

_I know part of it is because I miss my father. I lived every day around him for as long as I can remember. I was never really apart from him. And he was my father! There isn't anyone who would question that fact that I miss him. Even after all this time, I sometimes feel the urge to cry just because he's gone. There's so much he won't be here for._

_He won't ever meet Robin or Gena. He won't get to see me become a Herald or meet Yonell. He won't have the chance to write any songs about any 'heroic deeds' I may one day accomplish because of my duty to the crown. He'll never see me married, or see any grandchildren, or be there for me if someone else close to me dies._

_And he isn't here to help me with this stupid gift or the stupid emotional issues that seem to be taking over my life. How am I supposed to handle things when the one person I used to get all my advice and help from has abandoned me? Why did he leave me to deal with coming to Haven on my own? Why isn't he here to help me with the insanity that has crawled inside my head? Bards aren't supposed to die young! They're supposed to live long lives and write songs about people and be there for their loved ones. How could he just abandon me in my darkest time of need? I thought he loved me?_

Leana threw her quill across the room, feeling anger and wanting to cry, but not feeling like any tears were available. She felt the anger well up inside of her, and knew that this was one of those angers that Stormdancer had warned against. She wanted to scream and break things, but she knew, rationally, that it wouldn't really help anything. Instead she slammed the book closed and grabbed the pillow from her bed. She started smacking the covers with it as hard as she could, knowing that she wouldn't really hurt anything this way.

As she vented her frustrations on her bedding, she spared a thought for the tea that lined her bookcase. _That stupid tea is supposed to help! Why do I only feel more agitated and angry? Can't _anything_ go right for me?_

Leana continued letting out her frustrations in the hopes that somehow, she could work the anger out of her system for good.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9: One Step Forward, Two Steps B

Title: The Knife's Edge

Author: AriannaCastellis1

Rating: T (or Pg-13)

Disclaimer: Sadly I won nothing in the world of Valdemar. It all belongs to Mercedes Lackey.

A/N: Just a note, in case you didn't' notice it with the last update – I deleted the catch up chapter that was in the midst of the story since it is probably no longer necessary, so make sure you don't skip over chapter 8 by accident. Once again, thank you for all of your reviews. It's nice to know that people are enjoying my story.

A **very** special thanks goes to the people who helped me beta this story, Seam and RainbowAlchemist. Thank you so much for your help and patience. Beta-ing this story is certainly a challenge. Any left over mistakes are solely the responsibility of the author.

The Knife's Edge 

**Chapter Nine: One Step Forward, Two Steps Back**

It was supposed to be a slow change, but Leana could almost put her finger right on the moment that the tea started making a difference. It was the day after the crying spell over her father. She had awakened the next morning clutching a pillow and somehow felt better after crying. She took her tea and was off to start her day in a somewhat subdued mood.

By lunchtime, she was feeling amazingly better. The apathy and lethargy that she had been feeling for so long had started to lift. She suddenly had more energy and Kerowyn noticed it in her weapons class.

By that night she felt as if things were going to be just fine. She hadn't felt this good in a long time: and not just good, but happy. She was starting to feel like the person she had been before – well before everything had changed. Leana just didn't want to think about anything that was remotely sad right now. Right now she had some catching up to do.

Leana sat down to look over her notes and began trying to make sense of the silly symbols that Master Byron had shown them in class earlier.

When Leana looked up at the time candle, she was shocked to see it was the middle of the night. Usually, she would have been exhausted by now, but for some reason the energy had stayed with her. _Well, it stayed with me until I realized what time it was, but now I'm definitely ready for sleep._

Leana quickly got ready for bed and hopped under the covers, feeling as if things were going well now.

& & & & &

"I'm glad to hear that you're feeling better," Stormdancer told her the next evening. "And you haven't had any trouble from the tea?"

Leana thought briefly of the night before when she hadn't gone to sleep until late, but since she hadn't felt tired all day, she figured it wasn't anything bad. "No, no trouble."

"That's very good. Now, how is your journal coming?"

Leana felt a brief moment of guilt for not having written anything in days. "I don't really want to talk about what's in my journal, Stormdancer."

"That's fine, Leana. You don't need to; just keep writing in it."

Leana nodded, hoping that Stormdancer couldn't tell that she hadn't even opened the journal since that last entry. The bell for dinner rang and Leana quickly excused herself, hoping to escape Stormdancer without any other questions about her journal.

& & & & &

After cheerfully greeting her friends at dinner, Leana let the conversation float around her while she tried to settle down after her meeting with Stormdancer.

_I don't want to talk to her about my journal. It's not anyone's business and I don't have to share anything with her, so why should I?_ That didn't stop her from feeling guilty, though. _And why can't Stormdancer just figure out more stuff about my gift anyway? Wouldn't that be more help? Talia's about to pull her hair out, I can tell. Although, I'm not sure if she's more frustrated with me and my gift, or if it's because she can't figure out how to teach me to use it._

Leana remembered the look of frustration on Herald Talia's face the previous day when her latest idea hadn't worked. Leana could have sworn that Talia was more upset than Leana had been – it was almost as if Talia knew what it was like. _But that's not possible. Talia's gift was well known when she arrived in Haven. It's not like she had any gift trouble to deal with._

A hand on her knee drew her out of her thoughts. Gena grinned at her, "Lena, you're shaking the whole bench with your bouncing."

Leana flushed. "Sorry," she muttered, wondering why it felt so _wrong_ to be completely still all the time.

"Not a problem," Gena replied. "I tap my pencil when I'm reading my texts. It drives Adame nuts!"

Leana grinned at her friend. "And I bet that's half the reason you do it, right?"

"Of course!"

Leana relaxed, allowing her friends to draw her back into the conversation. Maybe she wasn't being strange at all; maybe it was her own special quirk. She just needed to be more conscious of it so she didn't _really_ drive people crazy.

& & & & &

Robin was staring at the staff lines waiting for inspiration, but as usual when you want inspiration to strike, it never does. Supposedly he was blessed with all three of the Bardic gifts (Bardic empathy, Creativity, and Playing ability), even though his Bardic gift was somewhat weak. His Talent at playing was never a question. In fact, he picked up new instruments with an ease that left the other students in awe. And he was superb on his favorites.

But the Creativity always seemed to elude him. His teachers all insisted they had seen evidence of his ability to create, and there had been times he had come up with little ditties for fun that were amusing, but sitting down and trying to write for his class always became a discouraging task.

A quick knock on the door broke Robin from his musings and he looked up to see Gena stick her head in the door. "Hey Gena," Robin said with a smile and pushed away from the small table.

"Robin," Gena responded with her usual cheerful smile. "Have you seen that tall roommate of yours?"

Robin shook his head, "Not for a while. I'm not sure where he is at the moment, but you are more than welcome to hang out here with me 'till he gets back."

The words had barely left Robin's mouth before Gena had made herself comfortable in his room. Not that Robin minded. It had taken a while to get used to Gena when he had first arrived in Haven and found himself as Adame's roommate. But Gena had a way of worming into everyone's hearts.

"So, what do you think of Lena?" Gena asked out of the blue.

"What do you mean?" Robin asked, trying to fight the blush he felt coming on. He had figured it was only a matter of time before she had asked about the relationship, but couldn't help wishing she had asked Leana about it instead.

Gena smirked at his reaction and replied, "Not that; unless you have something interesting you need to share…" Robin shook his head emphatically and Gena let out a small sigh before continuing. "I mean about how she seems to be acting. I think she's getting better, but I don't see her quite as much as you do."

"Ah," Robin thought about it. "I'd like to say she's all better, but there have been times in the past that I though that and then things came down again."

"Very true," acknowledged Gena. "But I don't know – this time it seems a bit more genuine somehow."

"It does," Robin agreed, allowing some of the relief out that he had been trying to hold back. "But I really don't want to jinx anything."

"Yeah." Gena looked thoughtful for a few minutes and then suggested, "Why don't we agree to look out for her together? You and I see her at different times, so we can keep tabs on her for a large part of the day."

"I don't know. Doesn't that seem an awful lot like spying on her?"

"We're trying to help," protested Gena. "And Stormdancer did mention that we should let her know if there is something going on with Lena. I don't really think that it would be considered spying; it would be looking out for a friend."

"All right," Robin agreed. "But I think that we should keep it between us. I don't want other people to be gossiping about her. The last thing we need is for people to make her uncomfortable."

"So, we'll just keep an eye on her. If I notice something odd, I'll come to you about it and if you notice something odd you come to me."

"Unless it's something big," countered Robin. "If it seems really bad, like that tree – then we go to Stormdancer right away."

"Agreed."

& & & & &

It was late. Again. And Leana was still awake. Again. Three nights in a row and Leana still didn't feel tired enough to sleep. She still had some more catch up work to do, but didn't really feel like doing any more work. She glanced at the book by her bed, but that wasn't all that interesting. Maybe she just needed a new book.

Smiling to herself, Leana made her way down the hallways until she reached the palace library. Being a Heraldic trainee, she was allowed full access to the books. She began to wander the shelves, hoping to find something that would interest her. Or at least keep her occupied until it was time to get ready for the next day.

& & & & &

Gena was on her way to lunch when she heard a name that caught her attention. She glanced over and saw Toni and Travys, the two boys in Leana's class standing outside a room.

"I just think there might be something wrong with her, Travys," Toni continued. Gena stopped by a nearby alcove to listen to what the boys were saying.

Travys deeper voice answered, "Leana's fine, Toni. Just because she was a little chatty at lunch doesn't mean anything."

"But it does, Trav. I've heard the stories, all the rumors, and I've seen some of it myself. When Leana starts talking all the time, she's about to blow. It's like a warning sign. Someone needs to tell the Heralds."

"Tell them what, exactly?" Travys countered. "That you're scared of your yearmate?"

"Yeah, I'm scared. And you should be, too."

"Toni, Leana is not going to hurt you."

"Maybe not on purpose, but look what she did to Aime. She was walking around with a black eye for nearly a week."

Travys was quiet for so long that Gena wasn't sure he had anything to reply to that. Then she heard him ask softly, "Has your Companion said anything about being worried about Leana?"

"No," came the grudging response.

"The Companions all talk to each other and they share some of that concern with their Heralds. If Leana were a danger, don't you think that her Companion would share that information with the others?"

"I guess."

"I have an idea," Travys offered. "I think you're overreacting, but I'll try to keep a close eye on Leana. If I think there's anything other than some chattiness going on, I will tell the senior Heralds immediately. Okay?"

"Okay," Toni agreed, but he didn't sound all that happy about it.

Gena stayed in her alcove as the boys wandered off. Was Toni right? Did Leana's problems always start with her being chatty?

And was Travys right? Would Yonell tell anyone if Leana was having trouble? Or would she not share that information because the other Heralds would react like Toni? It was hard to say just how much information was shared among the Companions because they liked to keep things secretive. Maybe it was possible that the Heralds wouldn't know of a danger in their midst until it was too late.

As Gena was thinking, she saw a figure covered in grays scurry past. It was Leana and she was headed away from the great hall and lunch. Had she heard what her yearmates had said?

& & & & &

Leana ran outside and headed out towards Companion's Field. She could hardly believe what she had overheard. Her friends, her _yearmates_ were discussing whether or not she was about to go crazy. _At least Travys didn't seem too concerned._ Leana thought as she reached the fence and Yonell's waiting comfort.

:Dearheart, you shouldn't let this get you upset.:

:But Toni – he thinks I'm dangerous. He thinks I'm going to hurt someone.:

:Not on purpose, Leana. He just thinks that you may hurt someone when you aren't yourself. He's just scared.:

:That's what is so bad about it, though. He thinks I might hurt someone unintentionally. How can I battle that? I can't argue that anything can stop that.:

:Actually, you can argue that Stormdancer and Talia are helping you prevent that. Between them they will make sure that you aren't going to hurt someone accidentally because of your gift or any other reason.:

Leana nodded and was glad that this episode hadn't made her burst into tears. A couple of weeks ago, she would have been bawling by now. She spent a few minutes with her Companion, not feeling like facing the others inside.

As she walked away from Yonell and back towards her hectic life as a trainee, she had an inspiration. _If my talking is upsetting Toni so much, I'll just have to tone it down when I'm around him._ That would work well. Then no one would have to worry about her going crazy.

& & & & &

Leana was bored. There wasn't much to do in the middle of the night. She had long since finished all her class work and tomorrow was a free day from everything but gift training and weapon's practice. During the last couple of weeks, Leana had used her time wisely enough to get completely caught up and she no longer felt as if she were trying to swim across a huge current. Of course, it was pretty easy to use time wisely when sleep was no longer occupying a great deal of it.

Leana's gaze fell on the journal, whose cover was only slightly visible amongst the chaos that had taken residence on top of her bookcase. _I know Stormdancer thinks that silly journal will help me, but ever since I stopped writing in it, I've been feeling better. Maybe all I needed from it was a big cry over my father and since I've done that, I don't need to use it anymore._ Feeling much better about the fact she hadn't been writing in her journal, Leana went back to contemplating what to do with her time.

She had cut the library trips to a minimum. Too many people were beginning to notice her late night wanderings, so she had tried to alternate nights. But in her room, there was little that could hold her interest. Reading was a pastime meant for relaxing and Leana felt anything but relaxed.

A light mental probe in Yonell's direction confirmed that her Companion was sound asleep and Leana didn't feel as if she could wake her. She wished that Robin were here. Even if it was the middle of the night, he could at least entertain her with music.

_Of course, he's probably asleep like everyone else._ Leana thought to herself. _I don't know why I don't need to sleep as much as everyone else, but I really can't complain._ _But I wish Robin were the same way. That way we could see more of each other. Between Talia taking up time in the afternoons and rehearsals taking up the evening, we haven't really gotten a chance to see each other much._

Leana contemplated the tea for a moment. _I wonder if it really is the tea that makes me need less sleep. If so, maybe I could give some to Robin. Then I wouldn't be by myself so much at night._

The more Leana thought about it, the more she wished that Robin could be up at night with her. Nighttime was supposed to be romantic, right? And she could use some quality time with Robin now that she was feeling better. No more tears, no more strange things going on, no more gift weirdness, and most importantly, she felt _happy_ almost all the time now. And Robin seemed really pleased with the progress that Leana had made. Things weren't so bad after all. _Now if only Robin were here, _Leana thought again.

She picked up the quill from its resting place atop her books and twirled it in her fingers as she allowed herself to imagine Robin coming over and surprising her. An unexpected knock on her door pulled Leana out of her thoughts.

Her door opened to reveal Robin standing there. "Robin," she said as she dropped her quill back onto the table. "What are you doing here?"

Robin looked around her room for a moment as if looking for something before his gaze fell on Leana. "I…uh…Leana."

"Robin," Leana repeated.

"I'm not sure what I'm doing here." Leana watched as Robin began to prowl around her room, obviously uncomfortable about something. He stopped when he came to her obviously unused bed. He glanced at the time candle, then back to the bad before taking a closer look at the chaos that was on Leana's table. "What are you doing up?"

Leana shrugged, "I was just working on some stuff," she hedged. "I guess I just lost track of time. Besides, you're the one walking around in the middle of the night."

"But I had been asleep, until something woke me," protested Robin. "Like any normal person would be at this time of night."

"Normal," Leana said flatly, not liking the implications of Robin's remark. "So just because I lost track of time, I'm not normal?"

"Don't get so defensive, Lena. I'm just saying that it's seems odd that it's the middle of the night and you're not sleeping. It doesn't even look like you've gotten ready for bed. Now, I'm not saying that it means anything, but maybe you should talk to Stormdancer about it."

"Why?" demanded Leana. "I'm not tired during the day and I haven't even been all that moody lately. I've just been having more energy the last couple of weeks. I was even thinking earlier that it might be from the tea. What if the tea just gives me extra energy? I mean, it might be kind of hard for other people to adjust to me being awake so much, but it doesn't really seem bad. Not like before when-"

"Lena," Robin stated, placing his hands on her shoulders in order to get her to stop talking. "This is more than just one night of not being able to sleep. Can you hear yourself right now?"

"What do you mean? I'm not saying anything crazy or even going off about how you're accusing me of something."

"No," Robin sighed. "But you're talking very fast and that's something that worries me."

Leana pulled away from Robin's grasp. "Well, maybe I don't need you to worry so much."

Robin rubbed his hands over his face. "You know what? It's late and we're probably both too tired to handle a rational conversation. I'm going to go back to bed." Leana refused to acknowledge Robin's comment and he sighed again. "Just do me one favor? When you talk to Stormdancer tomorrow, let her know that you're not sleeping. I'm not saying that it's a bad thing exactly, but if it is the tea that's keeping you up, she may be able to help."

"I guess," Leana grudgingly admitted.

"Good night, Lena," Robin said softly as he exited her room.

Leana dropped to her bed, feeling upset at the encounter. Robin had seemed to think her staying up was a problem. Not to mention the talking Well, if Leana was honest with herself, she had to admit she knew the talkativeness had been coming back full force. She had been concentrating very hard the last week to keep anyone else from noticing. _But why should that mean something's wrong?_

& & & & &

Robin struggled with this new problem with Leana. On the one hand, he didn't think one night of missed sleep was really a problem. On the other, he didn't think it had been just _one _night. Not the way Leana had been talking. She may not have come right out and said it, but she had implied thinking the tea was causing sleeplessness and if last night had been the first time – well, he didn't think Leana would have bothered contemplating the problem.

But was it a problem? Leana was right; she didn't seem tired during the day. And she had been so cheerful lately that Robin had been hoping Stormdancer had found a cure for her.

But then again, there was the talkativeness. Robin remembered Toni whispering that he was scared Leana was going to go completely crazy and hurt someone, or herself, by accident. He had said the first warning sign was showing up because Leana was talking so much again.

However, was the talkativeness really a sign of something wrong or was it just a part of Leana? The last thing Robin wanted to do was make Leana more self-conscious about herself. But again, he didn't want to ignore any warning signs that may occur. It was important to keep Leana from suffering another full-blown episode. It would be better for everyone, Leana included, if another tree or attacking episode could be completely avoided.

Robin sighed. This problem was too big for him to tackle alone and he just couldn't trust that Leana would bring the matter up to Stormdancer. So the real question was, did he go and speak with Stormdancer himself, or wait and see if Leana did?

_And which would be worse?_

Not for the first time, Robin desperately wished he could talk with Yonell. He knew the Companion bond was an intimate one. He wondered what it must be like to be connected to someone's mind so closely, but shuddered at the thought of what Yonell must have gone through when Leana was fighting against Aime and Stormdancer several weeks ago. Maybe being closely attuned to someone's mind wasn't all that great.

Thinking of Leana after she'd been drugged into unconsciousness for several days made up Robin's mind. Leana was never going through that again. Not if he could help it. He grabbed his cloak and headed for Stormdancer's room.

& & & & &

"I have to admit, I am a little surprised to see you here," Stormdancer told him. "Surprised, but pleased. I wasn't sure what Leana's friends really thought of me."

"You're a little intimidating," Robin admitted. "And we don't really understand what Leana's going through, so understanding your role in it – well, it's just not something we're used to."

"Of course. But I don't imagine that you came here just to talk about what it is I do."

"No, I didn't. I'm worried about Leana. She's not acting herself." Robin waited for Stormdancer to agree.

"I was under the impression that she was doing much better, actually. She's been much more cheerful about life, she's gotten her school under control, and she hasn't gotten really mad at anyone recently."

"But she's – she's-" Robin stopped, taking a breath, trying to figure out how best to explain what he knew was wrong. Stormdancer just sat calmly, waiting for him to find the words. "She's too full of energy. She's always pacing or bouncing up and down. She's been talking a lot more recently, and not just in amount, but in speed. It seems like she has trouble focusing on things that take more than half a candlemark of concentration. And I don't think she's even sleeping anymore – and-" Robin saw a look pass across the _Kestra'chern_'s face. "And none of this is a surprise to you."

"Not really, though I have to wonder how you know that Leana is not sleeping." Robin felt himself blush and tried to formulate a response, but Stormdancer waved him off.

"I can't share anything with you about my time with Leana. What she chooses to share with her friends is up to her. But I can tell you a little bit about the tea she's taking. It is supposed to be a great help to her, which I believe it has already proven to be.

"But there was always the possibility that there would need to be something other than this tea to help her. I was just waiting to see the full effect of what had been going on. And I do have to admit that I am a little concerned that Leana didn't tell me any of this."

"Lena hasn't really shared any of this with anyone. She's been trying hard to act like there isn't anything wrong; to the point where I was wondering if there really _was_ anything wrong. If I hadn't ended up in her room in the middle of the night last night, I probably wouldn't be here now."

"Just how _did_ you end up in Leana's room last night?"

Robin tried not to blush. After all it was totally innocent. "I'm not sure exactly why I went to go see her. I woke from sleep last night and it was really dark and quiet. I was thinking about Lena and suddenly I just had to see her. I just got up and walked over to her room and she was still up."

"Is that usual for you? To get up and check on your friends when you think about them?"

"No," admitted Robin. "But I've been thinking a lot about her. In the past, things would calm down with her right before they went nuts again. I was hoping that this time it was going to last."

"Do you know why you woke up? Were you having a bad dream?"

"No, nothing like that. I just – woke up. Why?"

"It may be nothing, but I just want to make sure that this isn't a part of Leana's gift manifesting itself."

"You mean that I was influenced by – but she wasn't talking – I wasn't even – wow." The thought was more than a little sobering. To be able to influence someone from that far away – and while the person was asleep!

& & & & &

Leana wasn't mad. No, this feeling had a bit more calm to it than mad would have. No, she was incensed. He had absolutely no right. No right at all! How dare he!

She threw open Robin's door without knocking, not caring if Adame and Gena were inside. Luckily for them, the only one inside was Robin. He looked up from his lute as she entered.

"How could you?" she shot off before Robin could even stammer a greeting. "I can't believe that you would do something this – this underhanded."

"Leana what are you-"

"You know how hard I've tried to get better. I've done everything that people have asked of me. I've been trying to get my gift under control and have been working with Talia every day for the past month. Then _you_ have to go behind my back and tell Stormdancer that I'm not doing better. But I am. You know I am. I've been so happy lately and I've been feeling like everything's under control-"

"But it's not, Lena. You're not sleeping and –"

"So what? Have you ever been up late at night because you're doing something and just lost track of time? That's all this was and now Stormdancer's breathing down my neck because you told her I wasn't sleeping. And she's bugging me about that stupid journal and asking me questions about bringing you to my room last night when you're the one who came over. And she's saying that there's something more wrong with me; that the tea may not be enough even though I have been feeling really great."

"I'm sorry Lena, but I was concerned that something might be wrong."

"So you go behind my back? You could've talked to me about it first."

"I tried," Robin protested. "You didn't want to hear about it."

"You left! You said it was too late at night to talk about it and left. Then the next day instead of talking to me you go and tell Stormdancer. Of all my friends, I thought I could trust you, but I just can't."

"Leana, I only want what's best for you. I care about you."

"Well, if this is the result of you caring for me, then maybe you should just stop doing it," Leana fumed. "I really don't need you meddling in my life making it harder."

"I didn't realize I was making it harder for you," Robin responded angrily. "And friends care about each other, Leana, even when it means making them uncomfortable about something. We're only trying to help."

Leana paused in her tirade and glared at Robin, "We? What we? Have you been talking to someone else about this?"

"Please, Leana. Gena and I are your best friends, of course we would be trying to take care of you."

"I can't believe the two of you have been talking about me behind my back! I get enough of that from Heraldic trainees, not to mention the other students in the Collegium." Leana shouted. "You need to just stay out of my life. And that goes for Gena, too, but I'm sure you'll tell her all about it the next time you see her."

"That's not fair, Leana!" Robin countered.

"I don't have to be fair," Leana retorted. "I'm crazy, remember?" She grabbed the door and left, slamming it behind her. As she walked down the hall, she heard a thud against the wall and knew that Robin was angry with her.

Well, good! Maybe it'll do him some good to feel as mad and betrayed as I do for once!


End file.
